FORGETFUL FRANK FAILS TO FILL IN FORM AND ***** UP!

A BLUNDER by Lib Dem councillor Frank Doran has caused red faces amongst his yellow colleagues in the run-up to next Thursday's council elections.

Forgetful Frank failed to renew his entry on the city council's electoral register and was left unable to nominate his party colleague Inspector Clueless, Richard Marbrow.

The more cynical have conjectured that this was a deliberate mistake by Frank, a former desert rat.

But we can reveal that Frank simply ****ed it up (there's an alarming amount of alliteration in this post already, ed)

Forgetful Frank managed to ignore three letters from the council asking him to return a form confirming he still lived at 37 John Lennon Drive and was still eligible to vote.

Perhaps he was arrogant enough to think that the council staff would put it through on the nod for him?

But they didn't. They followed the rules instead.

So it came to pass after the requisite period, that forgetful Frank was removed from the electoral register altogether.

Thankfully for him, he had ticked sufficient boxes on his nomination form when he was last elected in 2004.

That meant his failure to appear on the register did not mean he would be thrown off the council (do not cry 'shame' at this point, ed)

It was only when he came to sign clueless colleague Marbrow's nomination papers that he finally discovered his oversight.

His mistake has now been rectified and he is back on the register.

And he will also be able to vote for his bumptious colleague if he wants.

(But will be part of a very small, steadily dwindling group, addicted to pizza and pomposity in equal measure, if he does, ed).

He has not, however, been able to nominate his clueless colleague as he was too late to do this.

(Which numbskull did nominate him then? ed)

But here's an intriguing thought - could Frank's failure to respond to the three letters delivered to 37 John Lennon Drive be accounted for by the fact that he does not actually rest his weary head there at the end of a long hard day?

And if he is not there, where is he? (Afghanistan again? ed)

Clearly he doesnt pop round to collect his mail often enough!

thanks for the help with this post...

COVER UP SENDS AN EMAIL ABOUT HIS JOLLIES - AND LEAVES THE SMILING ASSASSIN IN CHARGE (gawd help us!)

EMAIL SENT BY COVER UP TO EXECUTIVE DIRECTORS AND COUNCILLORS....

Dear Colleague

As from Monday 2nd April I will be on two weeks annual, returning to the office on Monday 16 April. During this time I will out of the country and will not be able to access emails, though these will be regularly reviewed by my office and they will able to assist with any queries in my absence. The Deputy Chief Executive for April is Phil Halsall who will be the contact for any urgent issues that arise during this period, his office contact number is 225 2347.

Regards

Colin Hilton

ELECTIONS OFFICER COLIN COVER-UP GOES OFF ON HIS JOLLIES, WHILE LIVERPOOL GOES TO THE POLLS

CURRENT city council chief executive Colin Hilton has jetted off on a luxury five-star holiday in the middle of the local election campaign.

Nothing too surprising about that - except that Colin Cover-Up is getting paid £25,000 a year as Chief Returning Officer for those very same council elections.

So if anything goes wrong with the elections this year - lost ballot papers, poor access to polling stations, a fuss over postal votes - we can phone up Cover Up at his luxury hotel and be assured of his immediate attention.

It shows that nothing very much has changed since Henshaw was in charge.

Avid readers will recall that Henshaw got rid of the previous Returning Officer, Charlie Lasham on trumped up charges, so he could then pocket the £25,000 a year Chief Returning Officer fee and puff up his ego by reading out the results on election night.

Soon after knifing Lasham, Henshaw disappeared on a luxury holiday in the middle of the campaign.

Then 200 residents of a tower block in Everton found they had been missed off the electoral register and couldn't vote because of his incompetence.

Imagine Henshaw's fury and embarrassment when he returned from his £6,000 sojourn to find the Mersey Mart had splashed on the story complete with a glossy picture of his sunshine retreat in the Caribbean.

We can only hope the same fate befalls Cover Up who has also pocketed the £25grand Chief Returning Officer's fee and then buggered off to the sunshine. Like father, like son.

COUNCILLOR RICHARD KEMP, THE ARCH HYPOCRITE, ABUSES HIS POSITION AGAIN...

LIB DEM Councillor Richard Kemp is fond of complaining about the actions of other councillors.
In particular, we are told, Councillor Kemp (or Clever Dick to his mates) seems to object to some councillors emailing their colleagues from their place of work. (more of this in the future, ed)
So, imagine our surprise and consternation when the email missive below arrived for our perusal.
For it has originated from none other than Councillor Kemp, architect of the Boot Estate fiasco, self-styled housing 'expert' and arrogant tosser.
And what's this????????
Has he really abused the computer of the PLUS Group (the parent company for CDS Housing) and their email facilities, to send out his self-important thoughts about council business????
Shurely shome mistake, Clever Dick?

Complaints about this abuse of position and facilities, should be sent to The PLUS Group Chief Executive Ken Perry. Preferably by EMAIL. Here's his contact details:

Email: ken.perry@plusgroupltd.org.uk

Telephone: 0151 708 4611

And here's the Kemp email about Everton and Liverpool (talk about an own goal! ed)

From: richard.kemp@plusgroupltd.org.uk [mailto:richard.kemp@plusgroupltd.org.uk]

Sent: 02 April 2007 13:30

To: Radford, Steve

Cc: Dean, Alan; Fearnehough, Alan; Walker, Alan (Councillor); Makinson, Andrew; Tremarco, Andrew; Rothery, Anna; Hines, Ann; Collinge, Barbara; Mace, Barbara; Fraenkel, Beatrice; BentonJ@parliament.uk; Williams, Ben; Turner, Berni; Ousby, Bob; Lenton, Chris; Newby, Chris; Eldridge, Colin; Antrobus, Dave; Hanratty, Dave; Irving, David; Jones, Doreen; Knight, Doreen; Clein, Eddie; Allen, Elaine; ellmanl@parliament.uk; Kemp, Erica; Clucas, Flo; Cooke, Frank; Doran, Frank; Prendergast, Frank; Ben-Tovim, Gideon; Hulme, Graham; Williams, Hazel - Councillor; Jobling, Ian; Phillips, Ian; Ian Macdonald; Spriggs, Jack; Corbett, Jane; jane.kennedy@parliament.uk; Clein, Jan; Seddon, Jean; Lang, Joan; Anderson, Joe (Councillors /Municipal Buildings); Hanson, Joseph; Clucas, John; Coyne, John; McIntosh, John; Mullen, Josephine; Afford, Karen; Turner, Keith; Firth, Kevin; kilfoylep@parliament.uk; Reid, Kiron; Sidorczuk, Laurence; Buckle, Linda-Jane; Baldock, Louise; Kelly, Malcolm; Kennedy, Malcolm; Fielding, Marilyn; Storey, Mike; Stewart, Nadia; Small, Nick; Mills, Norman; Holleran, Patricia; Keaveney, Paula; Walton, Pauline; Brant, Paul; Clark, Paul; Clein, Paul; Millea, Peter; Allen, Peter; Roberts, Richard; Kemp, Richard; Marbrow, Richard; Oglethorpe, Richard; White, Richard; Quinn, Robbie; Johnston, Roger; Gould, Ron; Bailey, Rose; Gladden, Roz; Sullivan, Sharon; Kelsey, Sarah; STAPLETONJ@parliament.uk; Hurst, Stephen; Munby, Stephen; Monkcom, Stuart; Marshall, Tom; Gould, Tina; Best, Vera; Bebb, Violet; wareingr@parliament.uk; Bradley, Warren (Leader of the City Council)

Subject: RE: Keeping Everton in the City

Ian and Members,

You may recall that some years ago when I had responsibility for this I made continual efforts to get Everton to come and talk with the Council. After a year without even getting an acknowledgement I gave up. Liverpool replied to the initial letter within hours of receiving it.

Cllr Richard Kemp,mobile 07885 626913