'There will be no whitewash at the White House," said Tricky Dicky, before Watergate...will Bradley & Storey be in the dock at Liverpool Town Hall?

FIREMAN Bradley and the Storeyteller face a 'Watergate' style public trial by watchdogs.

That is the strong and mounting speculation as investigators from the Standards Board spend their second week in the city.

Last week they questioned Labour Leader Joe Anderson and former Events boss Lee Forde over allegations that Bradley and Storey conspired to get rid of the Harbarrowboy with secret meetings and threatening emails, etc.

Meanwhile Jase conducted a telephone interview with investigators from his home in Spain, where he was relaxing in his hammock in the hacienda counting his £250,000 council taxpayers pay-off and eating ice-creams.

This week the Standards Board, which is responsible for monitoring the ethical conduct of councillors, has been interviewing Bradley and Storeyteller for their side of the story.

It turns out that the pair of them have, totally predictably, been blaming everyone but themselves for their behaviour.

"No guv, it wan't me, guv" goes the Fireman's explanation, "it was all that Lee Forde fella and Finnegan's fault."

(Is Bradley this gifted with alliteration? eds)

Quite how anyone but Bradley could have sent emails, text messages and passed the Perroni at his house while plotting to 'do in' Jase is anyone's guess.

It has become increasingly clear however, that Bradley has no intention of falling on his sword (to quote an expression first coined by Sir Diddy, interestingly) and intends to brazen the whole thing out.

The Storyeteller dare not cough to anything, because they would lock him up and throw away the key after first disbarring him for life from public office for his second offence.

So it seems likely that the Standards Board will take such a grave view of Bradley and Storey's behaviour and their refusal to admit their guilt, that they will haul the pair of them in front of a special adjudication committee at the Town Hall.

Anderson, Forde and the Harbarrowboy would all be called to give evidence in public, while Bradley and Storey would presumably take the fifth or try to blame everyone else.

Of course neither of them would have any control over other relevant evidence and the extremely detailed testimony which would be aired in public against them.

We have already booked ringside seats for these Watergate hearings and are currently negotiating with the Harbarrowboy for the ice cream sales concession.

Souvenir 't' shirts, paper hats and lapel badges are already in production (at a very modest and reasonable price, off the back of a lorry, eds)

And we are cureently talking to YouTube about live 'streaming' of proceedings for the expected global TV audience (well more people than will be watching Macca at Anfield, anyway. eds)

Whatever, this extraordinary spectacle would certainly further drag Liverpool's name through the mud on top of all the other Lib Dem sleaze and incompetence and failure. Which wouldn't bother either Bradley or Storey of course.

Such is their brass neck.

WEB OF INTRIGUE SHOCK: THE HARBARROWBOY IS FORCED TO DITCH THE PIX!

We bring you shocking tidings from the world wide web, dear readers.

Self-styled Events Expert, Jason Harbarrowboy has been forced to remove all of those splendid Events photographs from his new web site.


Harbarrowboy Associates were forced to delete the offending pictures when threatened with legal action by solicitors acting for the estimable Liverpool Events photographer Dave Evans.


Mr Evans, who is an excellent and notable lensman of this parish, had taken all the pictures on behalf of the Liverpool Culture Company.


So he was astonished to discover that Mr Harbarrowboy had pinched the lot to put on his new business web site.


Naughty Jason, who was also forced to remove all mention of working for the Firefighter Games after Lib Dem councillor Eddie Clein cut-up rough, has been rocked by this second blow.


Now his web site is looking particularly barren, minus all photographs of any distinction. All the pictures are taken from library stock or have been loaned by his mates in Virgin (see above). So its a pretty poor, unimpressive and amateur hour show for the £150,000 a year former chief executive of the Liverpool Culture Company, who the city council paid off with £250,000 of council taxpayer's money.


We do not know how this almost comical turn of events fits in with Jason's proud web site entreaty:

For first class, practical and excellent advice contact us to see how we can help you.


But our first class, practical and excellent advice to him would be this:


Stop pinching other people's work and passing it off as your own, you jerk.


Meanwhile Jason's clients are still 'Coming Soon'.

THE HARBARROWBOY CAUGHT IN A WEB OF INTRIGUE - BUT HE STILL POCKETS ANOTHER PAY-OFF!!!

STRANGE goings on at the web site of Harborow Associates, which launched our Jase's new career as self-styled supremo of cancelled cultural events.

First his web site claimed that the World Firefighter Games was amongst the Harbarrowboy's flood of eager new clients, clamouring for his dubious services.

Lid Dim leadership hopeful Eddie Clein, a member of the Fire Authority, was suitably outraged and went on the radio to denounce Jase and complain about the web site in no uncertain terms.

"I shall be protesting in the strongest possible terms,"the ill-advised Clein told Roger Phillips. "I shall be demanding that he does not work for the fire authority in promoting this world class event. It does not inspire confidence when Mr Harbarrowboy is away in Spain half the year," he added.

Or words to that effect.

And with that, the plug appears to have been suddenly pulled on Jase working for the World Firefighter Games.

And all mention of the gig was subsequently removed from his web site.

What Councillor Clein fails to have realised is that his surprise intervention leaves the way wide open for some conscientious member of the public, or member of the council, to submit a complaint to the Standards Board against him.

To us, it looks like an open and shut case of Councillor Clein abusing his position as a councillor to interfere in a, no doubt, "perfectly proper" business relationship between the fire authority and the Harbarrowboy.

We gather that as a result of Clein's complaint, the fire authority have now been forced to pay Jase off until the summer when the Games are due to be held.

To make sure that Jase would go quietly and uncomplainingly.

The amount handed over? We are told Jase trousered £15,000 from Fireman Bradley's fire service.

Ironically.

Another nice little earner, anyway.

At this rate, the Harbarrowboy could make a living simply out of pocketing pay-offs and never have to leave the hacienda at all!

Meanwhile the list of clients on Jase's web site is now completely empty.

It only bears the rather forlorn promise, under Our Clients of - "coming soon".

But there is worse to come.

Jase is now being threatened this week by solicitors acting for well-known Liverpool events photographer Dave Evans.

They have warned they will take legal action against the Harbarrowboy unless he removes Mr Evan's rather excellent pictures from the web site.

Mr Evans took the pictures and provided them copywrite free to the Liverpool Culture Company.

Not Harborow Associates.

So Mr Harbarrowboy should not now be using the photos for his own personal business gain, should he?

So stand by for more gaps on the web site in the near future.

All of which is enough to almost make you sorry for our Jase. Almost.

We can only observe that it's hardly what you would expect of Harbarrow Associates, who proudly boasted on the web site:

"A team of world-class professionals have been pulled together to offer a range of services specialising in sport, leisure, tourism, events and culture for the public and private sector. Jason and his team have a unique range of experience in the sector areas and have consistently provided eye-opening results on a range of different projects and campaigns. Our team have a track record second to none and results proven over time."

AS THE COST OF THE MACCA CONCERT CLIMBS ABOVE £7.5MILLION, WE BRING YOU JASE'S SALTHOUSE DOCK SCHEME.....

While we're on the subject of the Harbarrowboy....
Below is his back of an envelope Briefing Report on the ill-fated plan to stage the McCartney Concert in Salthouse Dock (remember? the one where the Culture Company were going to stun all the fish and put them in a giant goldfish bowl, eds?).
While the amount of bullshit in the report below is truly astounding, it is worth reading all the way through.
From what we hear it will give you a full insight into the preparations now underway and the spiralling cost of the Macca concert at Anfield.
And it will help you to fully appreciate the gob-smacking stupidity of the people at the city council who are still in charge.
Particularly worthy of your attention - as the bankrupt city council now wrestles with a £60million hole - is the 'back of an envelope budget' that £150,000-a-year Jase has drawn up.
Thrill to some of the completely fictitious estimates he has made for revenue!
How many of these are going to come true for the Macca concert at Anfield eh? Eh? Eh?
We will not mention the totally unsubstantiated figures for estimated costs which Jase appears to have pulled completely out of thin air for the entertainment of CoverUp and his cabal.
They were so obviously and woefully short of the mark that the Salthouse Dock plan had to be scrapped six months later.
However, we learn that the McCartney concert is already costing the city council £7.5 million - but is likely to hit double figures before long.
We shall be returning to this subject in the very near future.
In the meantime, read the Harbarrowboy's report and weep - it will certainly give you little confidence in Jase and his Associates if you have been stupid enough to become one of his new clients....

BRIEFING NOTE
TO: Executive Management Team
SUBJECT: Liverpool Sound Music Event
DATE: 20 March 2007
OFFICER CONTACT: Jason Harborow
Purpose
The purpose of this paper is to provide the EMT with background on The Liverpool Sound music event and gain endorsement of the strategic direction.
Background
a) The Event Overview
The Liverpool Sound will be a unique once in a lifetime festival to celebrate Liverpool’s global status as The World Capital of Pop, featuring events all around the city. The climax will be a spectacular concert broadcast to the world on bank holiday Monday, 26 May 2008. This concert will have a unique atmosphere as a live broadcast, in a world heritage setting. A surprising show with world famous contemporary stars who can talk of how the Liverpool music scene inspired them and their music and how that music has travelled around the world and come back home to be redefined in the place it was born. An international concert, world-class musicians, funny and famous hosts and a fantastic waterside location, all add up to a never to be forgotten moment in time. Where better to celebrate the sound of Liverpool – than in a place from where the city began. Salthouse Dock will become the biggest temporary stage and seating structure this country has ever seen seating over 25,000 people and giving the illusion that both artists and audience are floating on the pool that is Liverpool. The city itself becomes the frame for the stage. Behind the Liver Building, to the side the World Heritage site of the Albert Dock and from the stage a panoramic view of the City Cathedrals and the brand new centre.Less than a hundred years ago most of Europe travelled through Liverpool to get to America indeed nearly a third of all Americans can trace their family’s journey back to this port. From its origins as a slave trade port, the exotic was always part of the fabric of the city. As one of the first multicultural cities in the country the unique acceptance of the different in Liverpool meant that when “The Beatles” stepped off the plane in America and proudly talked about specific “Black” songs that inspired them it was a crucial paradigm shift for the way that Black music was perceived in America. If Liverpool loved this music then so could all of America. The musical links between Liverpool and America are incredibly strong and this concert will be an international demonstration of how this city has been one of the biggest influences in the world of popular music over the last 50 years.
b) BBC Engagement
The BBC is fully supportive of the event and are intending to provide 2½ hours of live coverage on BBC1 on 26 May, 2008 (May Bank Holiday). Radio TWO are planning to spend a week in the city and Radio ONE are also very interested and are researching the John Peel links that could provide special programming for them.
c) Artists
The key Liverpool artist (Macca, ed) is committed to the project and is providing personal support in the approach of key international and UK artists. A preferred participant list has been developed (with a priority shortlist) and approaches are currently being made. This process will take several months and there will certainly be additions and changes as the process unfolds. Booking artists of global stature always takes time and the key to this event being successful is the element of surprise and excitement when the line up is finally announced. A carefully executed PR plan for creating a real demand for ticket sales is vital and any supposition prior to the chosen dates could put in jeopardy all artist negotiations that have to happen behind the scenes.
d) Location
Following a review of all potential locations in Liverpool it was determined that Salthouse Dock would be the perfect option given that it is an iconic location in the heart of the World Heritage site and that it will provide an unparalleled, spectacular backdrop to television that will be beamed nationally and internationally. In one single camera sweep you can tell the story of the city. It is a unique skyline that can only be Liverpool. Music concerts are great for the international broadcast market, but to stand out from the crowd you need a great line up, a great atmosphere and a unique never to be repeated occasion. The Liverpool Sound ticks every box.The proposal is that both the concert stage and the spectator seats will be placed within Salthouse Dock which will give the impression that both are floating on the water. This will help create spectacular television and will showcase Liverpool’s waterfront.
Much work has already been done with dock stakeholders and consultants and it has been confirmed that these plans are feasible both from an engineering and dock operation perspective. We are still to finalise the formal license agreement with GSE and we expect that within the next few months.
e) Location Contingency
We have identified an alternative location (Queen’s Dock) as a contingency. This area was originally selected by Barrie Marshall as an alternative location for PM’s concert in 2003 when there were issues with King’s Dock. Plans and costs are currently being explored.
f) Additional Concert
We are currently planning that there will be a concert on during the weekend just prior to the key event. The purpose of this event will be to provide the BBC with a rehearsal evening at the venue, provide an opportunity for key international and Liverpool artists to perform at Salthouse, give more people a chance to experience a concert at the venue and provide another revenue stream to help offset the costs of creating the Salthouse Dock venue.
g) Music Festival
Given that a number of international artists will be coming to Liverpool some time in advance of the Monday concert, there is a unique opportunity to showcase these and other key artists across the venues of Liverpool in the week leading up to the concert. Initial discussions with television and radio broadcasters have also been very positive regarding their interest in these pre-concert gigs.
h) Event Charitable Structure
To gain participation of some of the world’s greatest artists in this event, it is important that we create a charitable dimension to the project so that the artists are compelled to perform for the cause as well as the uniqueness and profile of the event. Discussions have already been held with both LIPA and Nordoff Robbins (a global music charity that is widely supported by the global music industry) and they have confirmed their support of the event.We will be working with them further to identify the nature of the support and how we can collectively create a legacy for Liverpool and the UK. They also have realistic expectations on the scale of any potential support given the anticipated costs of staging the event. They are also very excited about the potential from national and international exposure.Whilst we are budgeting for a slight surplus on this event with the expectations that an element of this will go to the charities, we have budgeteda guaranteed commitment to the charities, which will both are important to the artists and the media. This is included in the budget outlined below.
i) Company Structure
We are currently exploring with Hill Dickinson the best strategy for the structure of the entity that will both manage the key elements of the event as well as provide a charitable dimension to the overall structure. The current thinking is that a trading arm be established with surplus revenue following all identified expenses transferred to the charitable entity for distribution with agreed protocols.
j) Procurement
The procurement process recommended by the LCC Procurement team will treat the events as four distinctly separate areas:
• Auditorium Construction (Salthouse Dock)• Event and Technical Production• TV Productions and Artist Management• Venue Management
The Auditorium Construction would be a capital expenditure.
The Event and Technical Production will involve all elements of the event production including all associated equipment costs and staffing.
TV Production and Artist Management will consist of all equipment and staff costs for the production of the broadcast in all of its forms (live transmission, webcasting, CD and DVD) as well as all associated costs for the artists involved.
The Venue Management will involve all peripheral costs (staff, barriers, fencing, facilities including toilets) for both the Salthouse Dock event and any other activity across the city.
k) Key Staff
It is important to note that key staff will be required for this event to support the Culture Company team and this has been included in the outlined budget. These include:
• Executive Producer: This person has been in place for approximately 9 months, has already played a major role in developing this event. This person will be focused during the actual event primarily on the television and other broadcast production liaising with the BBC and other international broadcasters.(we shall return to this person soon, eds)
• Event Producer: This person will manage the staging of the event and all technical elements
• Musical Director: This person will be responsible for all the musical elements of the event including working with the Liverpool RoyalPhilharmonic Orchestra and other music partners in Liverpool
• Auditorium Construction: This company will lead the construction of the stage and seating within the Salthouse Dock
• Venue Management: This will be undertaken by the Culture Company Events Team
• Concert and Festival Promotion: We will be shortly inviting interested companies to support us with the promotion of both concerts (with a clear focus on the May Bank Holiday) as well as the Festival leading up to the weekendl)
Launch and Promotional Support
The current plan is that the event will be publicly launched at the end of September by the significant Liverpool artist. (Macca, eds) Given that the opportunities to purchase tickets will be limited (capacity of 25,000) this launch will include a call-to-action for all those who are interested in purchasing tickets to register via the Liverpool.08 website where their details will be captured and a lottery will be conducted with those individuals then contacted to purchase tickets. This has been the normal process for both the Olympic and Commonwealth Games’ Opening Ceremonies as well as recently for Glastonbury. Prior to any lottery, allocations will be made to ensure that a significant percentage of the tickets are available to local people. This process will be developed further and will need LCC endorsement of the strategy.The launch will receive significant global and national coverage and will provide a perfect platform to build awareness of Liverpool 08. A national marketing effort will also be required to support the launch to help maximise the response.
To begin preparing the ground for this launch we are planning for the ’08 website to have a World Capital of Pop page that will play selected Liverpool Songs and this page can then be used to get chat room discussions going on the songs that best sum up the spirit of the city. This is a great opportunity to involve everyone in the city in a discussion about what makes the city unique and why it is the World Capital of Pop.
From September, alongside the ticket launch, each month the 08 site will list a top ten from well known Liverpool faces e.g. Steven Gerrard, Daniel Craig, Anne Robinson, Johnny Vegas etc to build further excitement and interest. These contact details captured will provide a critical foundation for future national marketing efforts to encourage people to take part in 08 and come to Liverpool. It is anticipated that the launch and accompanying marketing effort could result in hundreds of thousands of enquiries.The Festival will also require its own marketing and PR effort, which will be developed following the initial launch
The Liverpool Sound Concert tickets (in some cases including accommodation and transport) will play a crucial role in encouraging ongoingmedia partner support and will be another catalyst to build further awareness and interest for Liverpool 08 and the 08 Programme Highlights.
The Business Plan
Event Revenue Estimates
These represent initial estimates of revenue and should be considered to be at the conservative end of the spectrum:
• Ticketing revenue: Anticipated revenue from two concerts with an average ticket price of £50 (this assumption has been supported by leading concert Promoters) £2.5 M
• Hospitality/concessions revenue: £ 0.25 M
• Merchandise/other: £ 0.15 M
• Global Television Rights. In addition to live BBC1Coverage, The Queen’s Jubilee Concert was able to secure sales of the global television rights. This was also a multi-artist event and The Liverpool Sound may have a more recognisable theme for international sales. The longest running radio programme in the US has been “Breakfast with the Beatles”. £1.25 M
• Event DVD: £1.0 M
• Local Broadcaster Support: Anticipated cost recovery from BBC £ 0.85 M
• Texting revenue: subject to securing a mobile telephone partner and protecting the rights of current CoC partners, there is a possibility of revenue from texting during the ticketing phase as well during the event £.0.25 M
• Additional sponsorship: subject again to protecting Current CoC partners, there is an opportunity to offset some production costs (eg travel, accommodation etc). Similar sponsorship was secured for the Queen’s Jubilee Concert and significant interest has already been received from companies who do not conflict with current CoC Commercial Partners £1.5 M
Total Estimated Revenue £ 7.75 M

Event Cost Estimates
The team consulting on this project have, between them, worked on numerous global television events of a similar stature (e.g. Live 8, Party at the Palace, The Prince’s Trust, Nelson Mandela 46664 Concerts from South Africa and The Grammies.) This expertise and experience is also backed with the engineering skills to manage specific aquatic concerts. With this detailed background knowledge of what it takes to create a global television event, we anticipate the event budget to consist of the following:
• Auditorium Construction £ 1.55 M
• Television Production and Artist Management £ 2.45 M
• Event and Technical Production £ 1.25 M
• Venue Management £ 0.85 M
• Marketing costs: Campaign to support PR efforts £ 0.3 M
• Charity Commitments £ 0.3 M
• Contingency £ 0.66 M
Total Estimated Costs £ 7.36 M
Total Estimated Surplus £ 0.39 M

'JASE HAS PROVIDED SOME EYE-OPENING RESULTS.....' YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN!

THE LATEST UPDATE ON THE HARBARROWBOY....

Jase, who according to an anonymous whistle-blower knows all about the Fireman's Freebie, has meanwhile moved into new offices at the Corn Exchange.
He has also unveiled a web site for Harborow Associates, complete with details of his Spanish address - which he shares with one of his business partners, Roz Hughes.
Below is an extract from the site, if you can't be arsed looking.
Needless to say it is full of the most self-important bollocks that you will ever have the misfortune to read.
Together with the ugliest prose, including schoolboy spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.
Eeeeh bah gum.

Harborow Associates was established at the beginning of 2008. A team of world-class professionals have been pulled together to offer a range of services specialising in sport, leisure, tourism, events and culture for the public and private sector. Jason and his team have a unique range of experience in the sector areas and have consistently provided eye-opening results on a range of different projects and campaigns. Our team have a track record second to none and results proven over time.

FANCY A DAY AT THE RACES? SUITS YOU, SIR JASE!

WE interrupt our hunt for Sheriff Bradley, the cowboy Fireman, to bring you exciting news of his bete noire - Jase the Harbarrowboy.

Seems Jase is still hanging around these here parts (quit the cowboy talk, we've moved on to another subject, eds) and has got himself a nice sinecure in Chester.

Jase is working for a £15,000 project fee for his old mucker Chris Brown, former Head of Marketing at The Mersey Partnership.

Jase is 'developing some event ideas' for Chester Racecourse for Brown who is boss of Visit Chester.

So we can now look forward to Chas Cole also being invited along shortly to see if he can attract any old 80's rock bands along to play at Chester racecourse.

As long as Phil and Chris can each wangle a gig for their lads, should be no problem.

Failing that Jase will no doubt suggest some mad rugby playing idea which can involve his many rough and tough mates.

Also look forward to some bizarre crackpot idea like those huge US trucks being brought along to churn up the racecourse and jump over 20 blondes (supplied by the Rotteweiller of course, eds)which have been laid head to toe along the length of the final furlong.

Or fierce ceremonial battles being staged down the home straight between Roman centurions and the invading barbarian hordes (voters from Liverpool, eds).

PS we couldn't resist including this advert that Jason has now sponsored for some posh suit makers in Liverpool. Follow the link, or read below... SUITS FROM JUST £695 TO £1,500!

Why Choose GUI?
Total convenience to suit you
GUI Couture represents the ultimate in convenience for busy business men and women. We will arrange a consultation for you at your office or home, or our fitting studio in Liverpool city centre. We make ourselves available to suit you, and will happily arrange appointments during weekends and evenings.
Premium quality from the fabrics to the finishing
Our range of fabrics is astounding, from pure new wool and cashmere to special blends incorporating Lycra for extra fit and comfort.
Quality is paramount in our entire offering from fabrics to finishing, and everything in between. Whether you select our basic Essential service, or our exclusive Platinum experience, GUI Couture never compromises on the quality of service or care received by our customers.
Looking great, every day
Ever dreamt of having your own style consultant? Now you can. Our experts will help you understand what suits you and why, and GUIde your choice to ensure you look great in everything you wear. For special occasions they will assist in designing a totally unique outfit so that you stand out from the crowd.
For organisations with teams of front line staff where initial impressions are everything, GUI Couture offers a specialist Corporate Image Consultancy Service, to ensure you get the best response from your customers every time.
Loose on the waist, tight on hips?
Do you know anyone who fits off-the-peg clothing? Most of us will be larger or smaller in the waist, back, shoulders or thighs, and longer or shorter in the arms and legs than the so called ‘norm’. Even people with the same measurements will have a different body shape, stance and stature, and GUI Couture will solve these problems of fit by ensuring each of our customers is professionally measured to create a garment designed to give you the ideal fit.
Feeling great from the minute you step out the door
Research has shown that successful people feel good about their presentation and image. Whether your job involves important meetings, sales pitches or interviews, GUI Couture can help you feel and appear more confident, boosting your potential. We will dress you for success, boosting self esteem and enhancing personal pride.
“I am delighted with the suit Guy tailored for me. It is a perfect fit and is everything I wanted it to be; well styled, individual, unique to me. The service Guy provides is first class."
Jason Harborow, Chief Executive of Liverpool Culture Company

WE couldn't make it up....

CAPITAL OF CULTURE PARTY NIGHT: THE ROGUES GALLERY

BOTH former chief executives of the Liverpool Culture Company turned up on Saturday night for the Albert Dock party after the Arena show.


The 'off-sick' Jason Harborow arrived with an apparent retinue of supporters, including ex-Granada boss Sue Woodward and the woman pictured in our exclusive photo.


And Sir Diddy Henshaw was also present in the queue outside the Albert Dock with his wife Alison - although he appears to have turned tail and run for it, shortly after being spotted by our photographer.


Which was lucky for him, because according to reliable declarations from a string of enthusiastic volunteers, Henshaw would have ended up in the dock himself within minutes.The little man ducked and dived in the queue to avoid his photograph being taken and pretended to engage Professor Michael Parkinson in conversation as Lady Henshaw looked on anxiously.


Our spies then collected at the dock entrance, where Pete Price was interviewing random C list celebrities for telly, ready to give Henshaw an early bath.


Only to be left waiting, while Henshaw disappeared sharpish back to North Wales to count his money.



Still there's always a next time.

Between them, the two failed chief execs have trousered more than £600,000 of council taxpayer's money in the run-up to Liverpool, Capital of Culture 2008. Neither paid for their tickets to the Arena - their freebies were authorised by CoverUp.


But spare a thought for poor Jason.


He is in complete denial and appears to think he will be back in charge of CoC Up within weeks.


He went around the Albert Dock professing to anyone who would listen that he was 'fighting fit' and boasting of how much much he had contributed to the Arena show.

As someone remarked - "he might be physically fit, but it sounds as though he's gone a bit doo-lally".


The blog was well represented (purely on the grounds of reporting accuracy, you understand, eds)


Front line staff from the Culture Company were not invited to the piss-up - two free drinks and as much nosh as you could eat - but CoverUp was there, along with a myriad of 'senior' city council boring bureacrats and the usual Lib Dem councillors (so not much of a 'do' then? eds)


The Fireman stomped around, leaving his missus trailing, with a face like thunder (as well he might, according to tales from the fire engine room. Of which more follows soon, eds)


But there was no obvious sign of the Storeyteller.

However, as another spectator remarked: "He must be here if Bradley is here - there's no Punch without Judy".


Acting CoC chief executive, Donald Bullshitter was creeping up to Steve Broomhead from the NWDA, while Henshaw's former £500 a day personal spin 'matron' Alison Hastings, wife of Museums boss David Fleming, spent most of the evening constantly looking over her shoulder.


(Perhaps she was worried that Henshaw might need further attention? eds)


Other interesting snippets:

• That PR bloke, Ben Lucas, from LLM, who trousered £323,000 for doing bugger all, was also loitering around some of the politicians looking for the next money-grabbing opportunity.
  
• The great and the good had apparently been treated to a slap up meal before the show at the Malmaison as part of of a CoC Civic event. Labour leader Joe Anderson was not present.
  
• A mate of Our Lord's, a bloke called Carl, who used to work with Redmond at Mersey TV, was given responsibility for organising the event. We don't know who gave him the go-ahead or why, or even if the event organisation was put out to tender.

And we have no idea how much it cost.
But we were reliably infomed it was in the region of £80,000.
And who paid?
Why you did of course.....!

LOOKING FOR AN INCOMPETENT, MONEY-GRABBING TOSS-POT TO ****-UP EVERYTHING, DISAPPEAR INTO THE SUN AND RUIN YOUR CITY'S BEST CHANCE FOR A GENERATION?

BELOW is Jason Harborow's CV.

The Harbarrowboy apparently drafted it earlier this year. But after he finally packed his bags for Mar Menor, he forgot that he had left it on his office computer in the Fun Palace.

Sharp-eyed readers will notice that Jase has left question marks against the number of his staff and budget. These were obviously irrelevant details.

We will leave you to make the appropriate comments in response to the bullshit and lies he tells.

And don't forget - this man fucked up so badly that he has left a £20million hole in the Capital of Culture budget. The Lib Dem city council has just paid him £250,000 as a reward.

ENJOY.

CURRICULUM VITAE

PERSONAL DETAILS

Name Jason A Harborow D.O.B. 12 February 1970

Address South Ridge
West Road
Prenton
Wirral
CH439RP
0151 678 8085/ 07715 487121

Jason.harborow@btopenworld.com

OVERALL PROFILE

I am a strong strategic thinker, organiser and Director with excellent experience, knowledge and success in commercial, marketing and operational management.

I have outstanding commercial management and negotiation skills and an attitude to deliver and succeed. I have proven budget and team management skills, able to motivate, enthuse and deliver a project with all key objectives achieved. An excellent communicator with a broad range of business skills, assertive and experienced, strategic in thought and strong in leadership and commitment.

A proven and successful track record in major events and a unique experience of management at senior level in the public and private sector.

CAREER PROFILE HIGHLIGHTS

Apr 2006 – Present Liverpool Culture Company
Chief Executive/Executive Director
Feb 2004 – Present Liverpool Culture Company
Chief Operating Officer

Responsible for the management and strategic Direction of the Liverpool Culture Company who are responsible for delivering the multi year programme of activity leading up to and beyond the European Capital of Culture Year in 2008. The organisation is responsible for all aspects of the programme including Tourism, Marketing, Event Management, Artistic Content, Communications, Income Generation, Creative Community Programme and Brand and re-positioning of the City. In the role I have full responsibility for relationships with all key stakeholders including Central Government and private sector partners, more details http://www.liverpool08.com/

Key achievements

Managing the start up of the business to multi- layered company with almost 100 employees
Re-structuring of company following departure of previous Chief Executive and Artistic Director
Directing launch of initial 2008 highlights to critical acclaim
Development and delivery of huge international events programme in all sectors
Developing Company Business Plan and Annual Delivery plan
Management of business with a annual turnover of at least £20million and 3 year spending profile of £95million
Securing commercial investment with 8 partners secured in first 12 months with at least £2million investment each
Secured 90% of the total budget required for the entire programme in the last 12 months.
Introduction of new City Brand and marketing, Public Relations, Public Affairs and communications strategy
Critically acclaimed speaker on marketing, commercial and cultural issues for major events. Keynote speeches presented at major international conferences
Management of Liverpool City Council Culture, Media and Sport Portfolio with a workforce of ? and budget of ?

Key skills

· Able to deliver results quickly and successfully.
· A clear understanding of all aspects of managing a business with the need for results.
· Strong strategic thinker and organiser to implement commercial and marketing strategy
· Excellent negotiation and presentation skills
· Excellent contract and legal awareness able to assess needs of clients and the organisation and creating positive partnerships

Sept 2002 – Feb 2004 RE:MEDIA PLC
Managing Director RE:ACTIV

Responsible for the management of all aspects of the RE:ACTIV company, one of three companies in the RE:MEDIA Group. The company is the UK s leading sports merchandise and licensing operator with contracts with some of the Uks and Europe’s largest sports brands. The company is also at the cutting edge of web commercialisation, brand development and implementation and ticketing marketing strategies.

Key achievements

Managing the start up of business to market leader in the industry in 11 months
Winning key National and International clients ranging from Aintree Grand National to European Champions League final, European Rugby Cup and Rugby Football League
Creating profitable business model
Establishing company as the number one provider of event and ecommerce merchandise solutions
Credited with changing g the approach to brand commercialisation through merchandise in sport.
Invited by Government agencies to visit West Indies to consult on WINDIES Cricket World Cup 2007.
Voted as a member of the top 42 under 42 young business people in the Northwest in 2003.

Key skills

· Able to deliver results quickly and successfully.
· A clear understanding of all aspects of managing a business with the need for results.
· Strong strategic thinker and organiser to implement commercial and marketing strategy
· Excellent negotiation and presentation skills
· Excellent contract and legal awareness
· Assessing needs of clients and the organisation and creating positive partnerships
· Good manager/team player


Jan 2001– Sept 2002 Manchester 2002 Ltd
Commercial General Manager 30 Direct Reports

Responsible for all commercial income generation for Manchester 2002 Commonwealth Games and PR and Marketing to support the commercial income activity.

Key achievements

· Securing and delivering dynamic brands in the form of sponsorship to the games
· Devising and implementing sales strategy for games income generation programme
· Introducing a cohesive and co-ordinated licensing programme and implementing a range with 500 products and 55 licensees
· Designing, developing and Managing the Uk’s largest ever-ticketed sports event. Achieving income target within 2 months, Sold 90% (900,000) of tickets setting new world record
· Creating and directing a national marketing and PR campaign for the Games ticketing Programme
· Working with key stakeholders to achieve results.
· Engaging and managing key Icons for the games – Ian Thorpe, Jonah Lomu, Denise Lewis, Jason Queally, etc.
· Appointed Games spokesman for official statements to press, radio and TV

Key skills

· Strong strategic thinker and organiser to implement commercial and marketing strategy
· Excellent negotiation and presentation skills
· Excellent contract and legal awareness
· Assessing needs of clients and the organisation and creating positive partnerships
· Good manager/team player

May 1999 – Dec 2000 Rugby Football League
Operations Director 30 Direct Reports

Responsible for the operational and logistical management of the Rugby League World Cup involving 16 senior nations and 6 emerging nations. Responsible for generating commercial income and marketing and PR programme.

Key achievements

· Delivered 40 games in 5 countries at 33 different venues over 3 tournaments
· Record commercial income, through sponsorship, and record attendances
· Media strategy that delivered a strong and consistent message

Key skills

· Planning and organisational skills
· Attention to detail in all areas
· Working to tight deadlines
· Keeping focussed on objectives and financial constraints


March 1998 – May 1999 JJB Sports
Stadium Director/General Manager 50 Direct Reports

Responsible for the development and project management of the JJB Stadium, JJB Soccer Centres and the JJB Health Clubs and hotel groups

Key achievements

· Completion of all sites on time and within budget
· Implementation of all operational procedures
· Implementation of marketing and PR plan
· Delivering key commercial partners and sponsorship

Key skills

· Strong performance management under tight deadlines
· Clarity in decision making
· Excellent communicator
· Financial management
· Workforce motivation and management

Jan 1987 – March 1998 Local Authorities
Various positions Various Direct Reports

Responsible for all aspects of leisure management issues including key management posts at two of the UK’s premier leisure facilities.

Key achievements

· Rapid career progression
· UK Leisure Manager of the Year 1996
· ISRM President 1998
· Development of the North West’s largest multi-sport venue
· Excellent commercial results
· Organisation and management of many national and international events

Key skills

· Commitment and enthusiasm
· Strong performance management under tight deadlines
· Clarity in decision making
· Excellent communicator
· Financial management
· Workforce motivation and management

CAREER HISTORY – Local Authority

EMPLOYER
DATES
POST HELD
Chorley BC
Jan 1987 –April 1992
Asst. Mgr/Comm. Officer
Leisure Officer Contract Management
Wigan MBC
April 1992 –May 1995
Contracts Manager/
Leisure Operations Manager
Wirral MBC
May 1995 – Jan 1997
General Manager – Europa Pools
Wigan MBC
Jan 1997 – March 1998
Robin Park Sports Centre General Manager


EDUCATION

Euxton Church of England Primary School Sept 1974 – July 1981
St Michael’s High School, Chorley Sept 1981 – July 1986

QUALIFICATIONS

11 “O” levels

FURTHER EDUCATION

Runshaw Tertiary College Sept 1986 – March 1987
Blackburn College (part-time) Sept 1988 – June 1989
Lancashire College of Agriculture &
Horticulture (part-time) Sept 1990 – July 1992

PROFESSIONAL QUALIFICATIONS

Diploma in Leisure Management
Institute of Leisure and Amenity Management Certificate
Institute of Leisure and Amenity Management Diploma
National Examining Board of Supervisory Management, Certificate in Leisure and Recreation (NEBSM)
BTEC Continuing Education Certificate in Sport and Recreation Management


MEMBERSHIP OF PROFESSIONAL INSTITUTES/ORGANISATIONS/ BOARD POSITIONS

Institute of Leisure and Amenity Management – Full qualified Diploma member – MILAM (DIP)
Institute of Sports and Recreational Management – Full member – M.Inst.SRM
Member – Deputy Prime Ministers 2007 Bicentenary Advisory Group on the Abolition of the Slave Trade
Member – The National Culture and Creativity Advisory Forum to London 2012 Olympics Games
Board Member – The Mersey Partnership Tourism Board
Board Member – The North West Tourism Forum
Board Member – Liverpool Culture Company
Board Member – The North West Development Agency Major Events Group
Member – North West Steering Group for the 2012 Olympic Games
Member of ISRM Northern Executive Board (President in 1998-1999)
Board member of Rugby League International Federation (1998 – 2001)


HOBBIES AND INTERESTS

I have a very keen interest in sport and culture; I enjoy watching live sport and experiencing major sports events.
.
I have been very fortunate to pursue my hobby, broadcasting, working on local, regional and national radio and TV as a presenter and producer.

I enjoy power boating and when time permits I enjoy lazy weekends on the Mar Menor in Spain!

My family are very important to me and I enjoy spending time with my wife and daughter

FURTHER DETAILS

If you require references or any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

SHOCK EXCLUSIVE: THE BARROWBOY, JASON ORANGE, TRUNDLES BACK TO THE HACIENDA

THE Harbarrowboy has returned to his hammock in the hacienda for the festive season - after his brief 'keeping up appearances' return to the Fun Palace.

Jase's invisible man act has, remarkably, failed to stir even a second of interest from his former staff in the Culture Company.

He has not been seen since he popped in for half an hour to show his incredibly orange face.

Staff are all too busy trying to get the show on the road to be arsed about their former £150,000-a-year chief executive returning to Spain for another jolly.

No one cares what happens to him - if anything few appear to have even noticed his absence. (It's hardly as if the Culture Company has suddenly lurched from crisis to crisis since he disappeared post the Mathew Street debacle, is it? eds)

Typists in the Municipal Building who threatened to strike have now been re-assured by Cover Up that Jason Orange will too busy topping up his tan in the future to bother them.

(We've made this last bit up and included it anyway, cos it made us laugh out loud, eds)

So what is likely to happen now?

We have opened a special book on it:

1) Jase could return to a hero's welcome for the opening ceremony on January 11/12th.

(Unthinkable, eds)

2) Jase could turn russet brown.

(Highly likely, eds)

3) Jase could become a Continental cultural consultant and go around Europe conning Eastern Europe into taking him seriously.

(Possible, eds)

4) Jase could bring a barrow to Wimbledon next year, selling strawberries to go with his Spanish ice cream.

(Too obvious, eds)

5) Jase could stay on the sick for the entire duration of 2008 and pocket £150,000 a year, plus Performance Related Pay, for doing precisely fuck all.

(This would be no different from previous years, so we are ruling it out completely, eds)

6) Jase could sue the council for constructive dismissal and with his massive compensation award, buy a holiday home for the foolish Fireman in the Canaries as a gesture of gratitude.

(Even money on this, eds)

7) Jase could retire with a minimum two years salary (more than £300,000, plus Performace Related Pay, tax-free, eds) as the city council give him a bumper pay-off just to see the back of him while the foolish Fireman begs the local media to: "Move On/Forget About My Disastrous Blunders".

(Hot favourite, eds)

8) Jase sets up a consultancy with Sir Diddy, Robbing Archer, Chris Green and Kevin Johnston who have all taken huge pay-offs from the council, and laugh all the way to the bank at how they have ripped off the council tax payers of Liverpool for more than £1million.

(A dead cert, eds)

OPENING CEREMONY 'ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN', BUT NO ONE TO BLAME SHOCK

Is the opening ceremony an accident waiting to happen?

That is the question facing safety experts as the wheels start to fall off the Harbarrowboy's launch vehicle.

There is now a mood of barely concealed panic in the Fun Palace as the realisation dawns that the Culture Company is just not equipped to stage such a major outdoor event.

Having lost Lee Forde through incompetence, staff are now being stretched to the limit by the huge number of extra events being planned for 2008.

Added to that is the mind-boggling ineptitude of some of the plans - for example, the launch event is due to feature acrobats abseiling and throwing themselves off the roof of St George's Hall while Ringo waves to the breathless millions (shouldn't that be minions? eds)below.

The Echo has of course conspired in this utter lunacy by making a public appeal for acrobatic volunteers - local nutters who fancy a bit of sky-diving and 15 seconds of fame (the amount of time it takes to fall from the roof to the pavement below and then expire on the ground after waving weakly to the CBS camera crews, eds).

Do you think if some poor imbecile gets hurt in this insanity, that the Echo will splash the next day on "'We are to blame' - admits shame-faced Editor"?

Will they bollocks.

They will wash their hands of responsibility like any other person who holds power in Liverpool.

But they have been thoroughly irresponsible dupes of the crackpots in charge of the Culture Company who think any Tom, Dick or Harry can happily abseil down the front of St George's hall without any proper training.

This is not Health and Safety political correctness gone mad.

This is about properly established procedures to keep people safe.

And God knows. in the city that suffered Heysel and Hillsborough. you would have thought some lessons had been learned about public safety.

Wouldn't you?

But no.

Aside from these very obvious safety concerns, there are major issues around public liability insurance, policing, crowd control - how many people are going to turn up expecting to get a personal audience with Ringo? - and damage and disruption caused to St George's and other historic buildings which will also have rooftop displays.

The astronomical cost is escalating by the minute - no official figures of course - and people are, literally, running around the Fun Palace like headless chickens trying to make it all stack up.

The NWDA's representative on earth, Bernice Law has now taken to calling 7.30 am emergency meetings to try and get a grip on things and turn it around.

But the clock is ticking and the pressure is mounting.

Particularly when the Culture Company proudly boast that CBS will be turning up to see Ringo live. (Or should that be live? eds)

Hopefully he won't have to step over any prone bodies on his way to the interview van.

Expect to see whole parts of the opening ceremony suddenly junked for no apparent reason and without explanation.

Meanwhile the architects behind this accident waiting to happen - Donald Bullshitter and Clare McCogloose amongst others - will evade all responsibility.

Just like the fine example set by Fireman Bradley.

After all, they have only had the last four years to plan this event. It has hardly come as a sudden shock, has it?

Some poor bugger in the events team will probably get all the blame, instead. As is the Liverpool Way.

But we issue this warning now.

If one single person - either a participant or spectator - is seriously injured during this opening ceremony or any other CoC event, we will make sure that, this time, the finger is pointed at very firmly at those responsible.

And we will not let you bastards get away with it.

We just hope we are proved wrong.

THE ICE CREAM MAN COMETH AND GOETH...AND HAS SOME FILING TO GET ON WITH....

What are we to make of the Harbarrowboy's continuing absence from the Fun Palace?

Since he popped in at 1pm last Tuesday for a few hours, he appears to have gone to ground again.

The £150,000 a year (plus PRP) chief executive has not been seen since.

So where can he be?

(In his hammock in the hacienda again? eds)

Culture Company staff have been left scratching their heads at the semi-invisible man's re-appearance and then dis-appearance again.

Is Jase now spending all his time around at the Fireman's gaffe, chatting to the parakeet?

Perhaps.

But maybe a comment from Bryan Gray, Chair of the North West Development Agency sheds more light on the Harbarrowboy's whereabouts.

Gray, who has virtually taken over responsibility for the Culture Company, has said of Jase:

"He's the city council's problem now - not ours anymore. We have no further use for him."
So, putting the ball back firmly in the court of the council, for whom Jase is Executive Director for Culture, is a rather neat trick to off-load any responsibility for the Barrowboy.

It also accounts for Jases's on-off absence from the Fun Palace.

Rumour has it that Cover Up has found him a place in the typing pool on the top floor of the Municipal Buildings and is next week supposed to be sorting him out with some typing and photocopying to keep him busy.

(Which probably means the city council is going to start sending out poll tax letters to dead people again, eds)

THE RETURN OF THE HARROWBOY: STILL NO SIGN OF JASE...

UPDATE: 12.20

Still no sign of the Harbarrowboy anywhere in the Fun Palace. The expectant air has now gone, the nervous giggling has ceased (that was Donald Bullshitter, eds), the sense of expectancy in thr typing pool all but vanished. Even Clare McCogloose has stopped blathering on about 'it will all be fine when Jase comes back."

Perhaps he is now negotiating with Brian Gray, from the NWDA, instead? Or talking to his solicitor? There must be a solution to this.....?????????

THE RETURN OF THE HARBARROWBOY: JASE STILL NOT SPOTTED IN FUN PALACE, SHOCK

10.15 am.........

HARBARROWBOY LATEST: Jase has still not been spotted behind his desk in the Fun Palace. Perhaps he is still talking to CoverUp?

MATHEW ST SENSATION: COVERUP COMES CLEAN - BRADLEY LIED THREE TIMES (AND THEN THE COCK CROWED)

WHAT a turn-up that was folks!

Colin CoverUp has come clean in this morning's Daily Post - and dumped the fibbing Fireman in a huge pile of shit.

CoverUp has revealed that, in fact, Fireman Bradley never told him about his secret meeting with Mathew St scapegoat Lee Forde.

This was what the Fireman first told the papers on Saturday:

"He (Bradley) said he raised the issues with the council chief executive, Colin Hilton, and senior Culture Company staff in the “first couple of days after the meeting”.

But this was what Hilton wrote to Joe Anderson today:

"I can confirm that I was totally unaware that Lee Forde had met with Cllr Bradley and Cllr Storey, let alone any of the information contained in the account of that meeting set out in the dossier."

So that was the THIRD lie told by Bradley, who has now demonstrated that he is totally unfit to govern.

At which point the cock crowed...

The SECOND lie was when Bradley claimed Lee Forde had first texted him to instigate the secret Wavertree-gate meeting.

But Forde's mobile phone bill reveals that he texted Bradley an hour after the Fireman had first sent him a flurry of emails asking for a meeting.

The FIRST lie was when the fibbing Fireman first denied even having a meeting! That was just so contemptible a lie that we won't even bother proving it. (Read the earlier posts instead, eds)

So where are we now? (Waiting for the Fireman to walk the plank? eds)

Yes.

Clearly CoverUp has now had enough of the Fireman and has completely washed his hands of him.

His letter was an astonishing example of a chief executive putting the boot in and then very publicly distancing himself from the Leader.

That was the bureaucratic coup de grace - now we must wait patiently for the political knives to be buried in Bradley's back.

CoverUp realised that if he did not properly handle the Lib Dem Leader's role in this disgraceful plot, he would himself become embroiled in the conspiracy.

So after letting off the hook his former colleagues in the evil cabal - to Hilton's eternal shame - he has finally decided to come clean.

(Although, he's still not to be trusted, eds)

There is also no doubt that Hasitall and the Rottweiller are loving all this. So be it.

The only hope we have that those scum will ever be properly dealt with, is if there is a complete change in Town Hall administration.

The Lib Dems have proved they are unfit to govern. It's time for a change.

PS The Harbarrowboy is due back in the Fun Palace tomorrow morning 123 days after the Fireman demanded his head - Jase may actually turn up, bold as the brass medallion around his neck, with no hint of a blush under his perma-tan.

Sadly, Jase will have missed the chance to make a fast buck at tonight's Royal Variety Show, where he could have tried to sell some of his Spanish ice creams to 'Gentleman Joe' Anderson and the Fireman, who were, amazingly, due to spend the evening sitting side by side.

Will keep you posted on Jase's progress tomorrow (he won't last long, eds) and the polite chatter that no doubt passed between Bradley and Joe.

HM The Queen (to Bradley)......"And what do you do, young man?"

Bradley (to HM)...."Lie through my fucking teeth, your Maj"

JASE: 'I shall return" or "I haven't done a deal yet, so anything could still happen, manana."

DISAPPOINTING news about Jase today - he won't be returning to the Fun Palace for another TWO WEEKS!

The Harbarrowboy had been due to turn up bright and early at Millennium House today to evict Donald Bullshitter from his office.

Donald had moved into the office as "acting" chief executive, while poor Jase was licking ice creams for his heart condition back at the hacienda.

Some Culture Company staff even turned up for work earlier than normal this morning in a bid to witness the eviction of the Bullshitter.

But all to no avail.

Poor Jase couldn't manage to summon up the strength to leave his hammock and return to Liverpool.

Instead he reported to Colin CoverUp that he didn't feel quite up to it - but thought he might be a bit better in a fortnight.

However, he apparently made it clear that when he came back, he would need to "ease himself" into the full swing of things in the run-up to 2008.

So don't expect Jase to be immediately running around like a blue-arsed fly sorting everything out.

(Some hope of that, eds.)

Some terrible cynics might think that Jase is delaying his return to allow the fall-out from Mathew Street to clear.

Then he can be greeted like a returning hero. (No chance of that, eds.)

But as we all know - thanks to the excellent official city council report - Jase has nothing to fear from Mathew Street.

He did nothing wrong at all. Nothing went wrong while he was in charge. It was all that fella Lee Forde's fault in the first place.

Any suggestion otherwise would be a disgraceful calumny on all the excellent work that Jase has put in, for so little reward and absolutely no thanks at all from you ungrateful bastards.

Does anyone seriously expect poor Jase, as the £150,000-a-year (plus Performance Related Pay, eds) chief executive of the Culture Company, to take any interest at all in something called the Mathew Street Festival?

Don't be silly, Jase has far better things to do - breakfasts and lunches to go to; drinks to partake of; wealthy nobs to hob with; cock-ups to mastermind.

Jase is too busy making 2008 the most fantastic spectacle Liverpool has ever seen.

(Too fucking right, it's going to be an amazing spectacle, eds)

So, sadly, we will have to wait until December 3rd to see Jase again.

And we sincerely hope he will be given a welcome fit for such a returning hero.

HASTA LA VISTA!!!!!!!!!MESSAGE FROM INSIDE THE CULTURE COMPANY - POOR JASE HAS POCKETED ANOTHER £300,000 FROM COVER UP

The following is a message we have received from one of our many reliable sources inside the Culture Company. We have no reason to doubt its authencity.

You are right to speculate about the future and well-being of poor Jason. I am reliably informed that despite his truly astounding efforts to soldier on in the face of his mutiple ailments he has with a very heavy (and extremely dicky) heart agreed to remain in his austere Spanish sanatorium for the foreseeable future . Leading medical opinion is seemingly clear that any further exposure to Liverpool's notoriously toxic micro-climate may prove fatal to a man of Jason's fragile and sensitive constitution. According to my very well placed source the bitter disappointment of exile has been tempered by a thoroughly deserved farewell gift from the Council Tax payers of Liverpool believed to be in th region of £300,000. I understand that we can all thank our ever-generous Chief Executive Mr Colin-cover-up-Hilton for this thoughtful gesture of civic grattitude. It will be some small consolation for the ailing Jason as he stoically submits to his harrowing therapeutic regime.

IT'S OFFICIAL; THE HARBARROWBOY IS NEVER COMING BACK...

THE Culture Company's Harbarrowboy will definitely not be returning from Spain to his executive office in the Fun Palace, we can officially announce.


Why so certain?


Simple.


In the manner of all loyal lieutenants, the Harbarrowboy's No 2, Donald Bullshitter (aka Kris Donaldson) has now moved into his missing boss's office!


Donald has even emptied Jase's drawers (oooerr missus, eds) and replaced them with his own bits and bobs. (There's an in-joke lurking suspiciously here, but we can't quite put our fingers on it. To coin a phrase, eds)


Anyroadup, Donald Bullshitter moved into Jase's hole within days of the Harbarrowboy telling the Daily Post: "I shall return."


Clearly his former loyal deputy has other ideas.


Poor old Jase's Personal Assistant has also taken a powder at this despicable turn of events and gone on the sick.


Leaving the Bullshitter to immediately install his own PA in her place!


With friends like this, who needs enemies, Jase?


Meanwhile the Daily Post is planning an exclusive story saying that -

• as well as selling all his property interests on Merseyside (first revealed here, eds)


• gaining dual Spanish nationality (first revealed here, eds)


• his wife and family moving to Spain months ago (first revealed here, eds)


• Jase buying an ice cream factory (first revealed here, eds )


• and Jase suffering from a heart condition (first revealed here, eds) -
  

Jase has ALREADY BEEN PAID OFF with a cheque for £300,000 from the Fireman and CoverUp on behalf of the grateful citizens of Liverpool.

Any suggestion that the dynamic duo are also planning a plaque on Mathew Street in Jase's memory is without any semblance of substance.

But they are definitely planning a whip around for some form of commemorative sculpture next to Eleanor Rigby which will mark Jase's exile in the hacienda - "all the lonely people, where do they all belong....?"

MATHEW ST LATEST: JASE PHONES COVERUP TO RETURN AND BOOK HIS PLACE FOR MTV....BUT COVER UP SAYS NO!

THE chattering classes report an unusual telephone conversation between the Harbarrowboy - safely exiled in Spain - and Colin CoverUp, unsecurely tied to his desk in the Municipal Buildings in downtown Dale Street.

Apparently the conversation went something like this...

Jase: Eh up Col, how's it going, ba gum?

Col: Jase, why are you ringing me?

Jase: I want t'come back ont' Wednesday so that I can go t' MTV awards in Munich on't Thursday. Dago doc says ma ticker is tickety boo, although appen I've got touch of skin cancer now. But that there MTV show is going to be a crackin gig, tha knows, there's loads of champagne and them there dancing girls and 'ollywood celebs we can run shoulders with and.....

Col: I don't think that would be 'appropriate'.

Jase: Why not mucker? It was ma bloomin' idea to bring MTV t'pool int' first place and ah'm not missing this fookin trip, for love nor money. Snoop Dogg is on!

Col: Who?

Jase: Snoop Dog! Ya know, fo' shizzle, ma nizzle!

(long, long pause)

Jase: Hello, Col! Are you still there, matey? Summat up?

Col: Yes, Jason.

Jase: So is tha' alright with you then mucker, if i come back in on't Wednesday? I'll do a bit of paperwork first for an hour or so, go and 'ave me lunch and then fook off to Berlin? There's a lot of work to do to get ready for 2008, tha knows. Peoples to see, places to go.... Matey.

Col: No Jase, I am afraid that would not be a sensible move. You know, the Leader of the Council's view about all this. And anyway, he is very busy now, doing all that extra homework with all the various reports he has been given.

Jase: Well bah the Christ, if thou is not for letting me back to work on the morrer, I shall ave to sling me hook and take three more weeks off on't sick! So there! And evil rottweiller McElhinney can do his worst! He can hire all t'taxis he wants to scuttle around to my gaff ont' wirral handing out notices demanding that ah'm to report for medical exam! But I won't be there, see! Ha, ha! Ah'll be at th'acienda! Eatin' lolly ice!

(Jase hangs up phone)

Col: Jason? Jason?

(to be continued....)

THE COMEBACK KID - DUE BACK ON WEDNESDAY.

THE Harbarrowboy is due to return to the Fun Palace this Wednesday.

That's according to his ceremonial stand-in, Donald Bullshitter, who has been going around "reassuring" everyone that good old Jase will be 'back soon'.

That's not the word amongst councillors or the ruling Lib Dem Exec Board who have been told that Jase will never darken their door again.

What worries us is, (if Jase does by some miracle return), where is he going to lay his sun-tanned torso?

Now that he has sold his detached house on the Wirral, will he move temporarily into one of the other two houses on Merseyside which he has has put up for sale?

Will he be looking for a B&B in Anfield?

Or will he be bedding down for the night in his office at the Fun Palace?

That can't be good for his health with a heart condition.

If you would like to offer Jase a bed for the night, give him a ring at his office on Wednesday morning. Tel: 0151 233 4447

Then you can also make sure he has turned up for work on time.

Of course, if Jase isn't able to answer the phone, you might conclude that Donald Bullshitter has been bullshitting again.

FOR SALE: JASON'S £499,950 HOUSE ON THE WIRRAL

West Road, Noctorum, Wirral

We are delighted to offer for sale this superb DETACHED EXECUTIVE RESIDENCE situated in a popular area of Wirral only a brief distance to local facilities and schooling, enjoying the benefit of gas central heating and double glazing. The accommodation briefly comprises: Spacious Entrance Hall, Ground Floor WC, Large Lounge, Dining/Sitting Room, opening out into a large Conservatory, Snug/Study, Spacious Breakfast Kitchen with integrated appliances, Utility Room and to first floor there is a Landing, Four Bedrooms, the master affording an En-Suite Shower Room plus well appointed replacement four piece Family Bathroom. Externally there is an audio/visual intercom system and electric gates, long driveway extending to ample off road parking and turning space, larger than average garage with remote control door, principal lawned gardens to side plus raised timber decking feature.

FOR FURTHER DETAILS PLEASE CONTACT:Karl Tatler , Heswall

(re-assuring that all the money in the world can't buy taste, though, isn't it? eds)

Alternative descriptions of Jason's house are invited....