Monday, June 11, 2007

REVEALED: THE SHOCKING TRUTH ABOUT INSPECTOR CLUELESS...


THERE'S no other way to prepare you for this, dear readers, but be warned, it will come as something of a shock. You really wouldn't believe it if you hadn't read it here first. Honestly, I had to ask my well-informed source to say it again, slowly, before I... (oh getonwithitwillya! ed)

Ok then...

Inspector Clueless, otherwise known as former councillor Richard Marbrow, has... joined a gym!

That's right, the tub of lard has joined the David Lloyd gymnasium in Speke.

Seems his abrupt departure from the political scene in the May local elections, has caused Fatso to undergo something of a mid-life crisis (he's only 76, ed) and to reflect on his past mistakes, misdemeanours and failures.

So once he has trimmed his wide girth to manageable proportions, we are expecting him to issue an abject public apology to the first Tony Parrish and to recant for his gullible subservience to the evil cabal.

How long this transformation will take we can only imagine.

Apparently, although he is a regular visitor to Mr Lloyd's fitness and fun establishment (as is that other fat bastard, Sir Diddy, ironically, ed) he does not appear to have lost much weight so far.

Perhaps he and Sir Diddy are meeting in the safety of the steam room to plot revenge on TP?

Marbrow has already apparently loudly vowed vengeance on those fellow Lib Dems who refused to allow him to take the chicken run from Kensington.

But Clueless's inability to shed a few pounds at the gym may have something to do with his unusual exercise regime.

After a hard five minutes limbering up within sight of the treadmill, he normally collapses in a dishevelled and sweaty heap. Mopping a fevered brow.

Then after helping himself to a few Mars bars to give him some extra energy, he usually takes comfort in a bucket of "food" from the nearby KFC. Washed down with a gallon of coke.

Whether Clueless ever has any room to tuck into humble pie for his 'afters', is anyone's guess.

But it would do him a world of good if he somehow learnt to swallow his pride.

We can only hope, (genuinely, ed) that he has experienced a real conversion after his well-deserved election defeat.

That a man who has above average intelligence could be so scintillatingly stupid, remains one of the great Liverpool mysteries of the 21st century.

That his overbearing lack of judgement should also be only outweighed by his self-important pomposity, is as baffling as his real age.

We hope however, that Clueless has learnt his lesson and that, in time, he will discover some much-needed maturity, humility and self-awareness.

Fat chance.

8 comments:

Chubby Brown said...

Richard's legacy in Kensington is in rude health too - a drive-thru MacDonald's. He must be swelling with pride.

Anonymous said...

Richard if you are serious about this may i suggest Slimming World they are really good and allow you to eat delicious food and have branches everywhere I think there is even a men only one by Newsham Park.

Tony Parrish47 said...

Our readers are a lovely lot. He doesn't deserve you.....

Anonymous said...

I always find those "Count on us" range of sandwiches are really good they are often half the calories of the normal ones - stay off the crisps and pizza as well they are seriously bad news

Anonymous said...

Or you could get a job!!

MILDRED said...

Richard is just a jolly gentle giant, stop picking on him!
He can't help it if food makes him fat.
I said to him once, Richard why are you such a fat weeble?
He said, Mildred dear, have you any tomato sauce?
Richard tried slimming world, thank you anonymous for that tip, he has tried a number of diets that meant he had to limit his intake of calories, he ate big macs for a week, then chicken mcnuggets for another, I think he must have snuck in a few McMuffins and a Mc flurry, not sure what flavour though?
One thing I have found useful though, I had a kids birthday party to arrange, at the last minute the bouncy castle did not arrive.
Richard stepped in and saved the day!
All 25 kids and a few adujlts that have not grown up, happily spent the day bouncing on Richards belly.
The kids said it was better than the usual castle as there was more bounce to the ounce.
I think he may be going into business in time for the capital of vultures 2008.

CHAS COLE said...

I will book Richard and his giant belly, for the side attractions at the Sefton Pops.
Give me a bell Dicky

Anonymous said...

Fat, Stupid, idle, lazy, inconsiderate, foolish, BSing, pie munching ex councilor needs to sleep his couple of years mis managing the city off.