Sunday, December 30, 2007

OH I SAY! WILL 'RANDY' NEWMAN BE NEXT????

WILL Paul 'Randy' Newman be next to leave the Culture Company?

We ask because of authoritative reports from within the London Olympic Team that the CoC's Director of Communications (sic) has been touting for a new job with them.

One of our informants has told us: "I suspect Paul Newman will resurface in an Olympic role very soon."

Newman has apparently been angling for an Olympic job (lots more athletically inclined women, apparently, eds) for the last year.

A few weeks ago another well-placed Olympics source revealed that Newman had been in touch and had said that Liverpool had been a big mistake.

Newman told his contact that he had wanted to work on the Olympics all along (obviously learnt a lot from Donald Bullshitter, eds)

He rings them every few months looking for an opening.

However, Newman also appears to be hedging his bets.

Another recruitment agency has been touting Newman (also known as Leslie, after the recently honoured Phillips below, eds) for a well-paid position with a Government agency!

This is all the more strange, since The Harbarrowboy used to regularly tell anyone who cared to listen that one of the things he liked about Newman was his commitment to move to Liverpool! (the cheek of these bastards, eds)

Which, of course, he has still failed to do (keeps him conveniently out of sight from his wife at least, eds)

Newman, you will recall, was the self-appointed guardian of public behaviour who decided to try and get Joe Riley the sack for dozing off at the Empire.

Newman, known as 'Lesley' for his wandering ways, 'Carry-on-leering' and lascivious 'well, heeeelllll-oooo' greetings to any new women, tried to deny his involvement by repeatedly telling a bare-faced porky.


Friday, December 28, 2007

THE THINGS THEY SAY.....

Liverpool 2008 Chief Executive appointed
The Executive Group of the Liverpool Culture Company Board today (Friday 24 March) announced the appointment of Jason Harborow as its Chief Executive.
36-year-old Mr Harborow has been the Culture Company's Chief Operating Officer for more than a year and will take up his new post from 1 April 2006.
Mr Harborow will be responsible for managing the delivery of a host of events and programmes between now and European Capital of Culture in 2008.
Welcoming Mr Harborow's appointment, Professor Drummond Bone, Chairman of the Liverpool Culture Company, said: "I'm very pleased that Jason has agreed to accept the unique challenges that go with this high-profile post. His strategic vision for the company alongside his proven ability to manage it on a day-to-day basis and his knowledge of the city will be a great advantage."
Cllr Warren Bradley, Leader of Liverpool City Council, said: "Jason has been instrumental in ensuring the Liverpool Culture Company is in the best possible position to maximise the opportunities 2008 represents. His ability to work with both the private and public sectors at all levels and his desire to succeed will be of immense benefit to the city for many years beyond 2008."
Jason Harborow said: "I'm delighted and honoured to accept this role. I'm particularly proud that we have such a good team in place for achieving the city's ambition of staging the best-ever European Capital of Culture. We're all firmly focused on delivering for Liverpool, the region and the UK."

Sunday, December 23, 2007

WORLD EXCLUSIVE: FIREMAN BRADLEY IN SCROOGE SENSATION

Click on the link below to see Liverpool's very own Scrooge in action.

He has cost the people of Liverpool a multi-million pound fortune with all the pay-offs of public money he has handed out to the 'Fuck Up and Fuck Off' brigade.

Click on the link below.http://www.scroogeyourself.com/?id=1703932085

(From an original idea by Liverpool Confidential, eds)

Thursday, December 20, 2007

LOOKING FOR AN INCOMPETENT, MONEY-GRABBING TOSS-POT TO ****-UP EVERYTHING, DISAPPEAR INTO THE SUN AND RUIN YOUR CITY'S BEST CHANCE FOR A GENERATION?

BELOW is Jason Harborow's CV.
The Harbarrowboy apparently drafted it earlier this year. But after he finally packed his bags for Mar Menor, he forgot that he had left it on his office computer in the Fun Palace.

Sharp-eyed readers will notice that Jase has left question marks against the number of his staff and budget. These were obviously irrelevant details.

We will leave you to make the appropriate comments in response to the bullshit and lies he tells.

And don't forget - this man fucked up so badly that he has left a £20million hole in the Capital of Culture budget. The Lib Dem city council has just paid him £250,000 as a reward.


ENJOY.


CURRICULUM VITAE

PERSONAL DETAILS

Name Jason A Harborow D.O.B. 12 February 1970

Address South Ridge
West Road
Prenton
Wirral
CH439RP
0151 678 8085/ 07715 487121

Jason.harborow@btopenworld.com

OVERALL PROFILE

I am a strong strategic thinker, organiser and Director with excellent experience, knowledge and success in commercial, marketing and operational management.

I have outstanding commercial management and negotiation skills and an attitude to deliver and succeed. I have proven budget and team management skills, able to motivate, enthuse and deliver a project with all key objectives achieved. An excellent communicator with a broad range of business skills, assertive and experienced, strategic in thought and strong in leadership and commitment.

A proven and successful track record in major events and a unique experience of management at senior level in the public and private sector.

CAREER PROFILE HIGHLIGHTS

Apr 2006 – Present Liverpool Culture Company
Chief Executive/Executive Director
Feb 2004 – Present Liverpool Culture Company
Chief Operating Officer

Responsible for the management and strategic Direction of the Liverpool Culture Company who are responsible for delivering the multi year programme of activity leading up to and beyond the European Capital of Culture Year in 2008. The organisation is responsible for all aspects of the programme including Tourism, Marketing, Event Management, Artistic Content, Communications, Income Generation, Creative Community Programme and Brand and re-positioning of the City. In the role I have full responsibility for relationships with all key stakeholders including Central Government and private sector partners, more details http://www.liverpool08.com/

Key achievements

Managing the start up of the business to multi- layered company with almost 100 employees
Re-structuring of company following departure of previous Chief Executive and Artistic Director
Directing launch of initial 2008 highlights to critical acclaim
Development and delivery of huge international events programme in all sectors
Developing Company Business Plan and Annual Delivery plan
Management of business with a annual turnover of at least £20million and 3 year spending profile of £95million
Securing commercial investment with 8 partners secured in first 12 months with at least £2million investment each
Secured 90% of the total budget required for the entire programme in the last 12 months.
Introduction of new City Brand and marketing, Public Relations, Public Affairs and communications strategy
Critically acclaimed speaker on marketing, commercial and cultural issues for major events. Keynote speeches presented at major international conferences
Management of Liverpool City Council Culture, Media and Sport Portfolio with a workforce of ? and budget of ?

Key skills

· Able to deliver results quickly and successfully.
· A clear understanding of all aspects of managing a business with the need for results.
· Strong strategic thinker and organiser to implement commercial and marketing strategy
· Excellent negotiation and presentation skills
· Excellent contract and legal awareness able to assess needs of clients and the organisation and creating positive partnerships

Sept 2002 – Feb 2004 RE:MEDIA PLC
Managing Director RE:ACTIV

Responsible for the management of all aspects of the RE:ACTIV company, one of three companies in the RE:MEDIA Group. The company is the UK s leading sports merchandise and licensing operator with contracts with some of the Uks and Europe’s largest sports brands. The company is also at the cutting edge of web commercialisation, brand development and implementation and ticketing marketing strategies.

Key achievements

Managing the start up of business to market leader in the industry in 11 months
Winning key National and International clients ranging from Aintree Grand National to European Champions League final, European Rugby Cup and Rugby Football League
Creating profitable business model
Establishing company as the number one provider of event and ecommerce merchandise solutions
Credited with changing g the approach to brand commercialisation through merchandise in sport.
Invited by Government agencies to visit West Indies to consult on WINDIES Cricket World Cup 2007.
Voted as a member of the top 42 under 42 young business people in the Northwest in 2003.

Key skills

· Able to deliver results quickly and successfully.
· A clear understanding of all aspects of managing a business with the need for results.
· Strong strategic thinker and organiser to implement commercial and marketing strategy
· Excellent negotiation and presentation skills
· Excellent contract and legal awareness
· Assessing needs of clients and the organisation and creating positive partnerships
· Good manager/team player


Jan 2001– Sept 2002 Manchester 2002 Ltd
Commercial General Manager 30 Direct Reports

Responsible for all commercial income generation for Manchester 2002 Commonwealth Games and PR and Marketing to support the commercial income activity.

Key achievements

· Securing and delivering dynamic brands in the form of sponsorship to the games
· Devising and implementing sales strategy for games income generation programme
· Introducing a cohesive and co-ordinated licensing programme and implementing a range with 500 products and 55 licensees
· Designing, developing and Managing the Uk’s largest ever-ticketed sports event. Achieving income target within 2 months, Sold 90% (900,000) of tickets setting new world record
· Creating and directing a national marketing and PR campaign for the Games ticketing Programme
· Working with key stakeholders to achieve results.
· Engaging and managing key Icons for the games – Ian Thorpe, Jonah Lomu, Denise Lewis, Jason Queally, etc.
· Appointed Games spokesman for official statements to press, radio and TV

Key skills

· Strong strategic thinker and organiser to implement commercial and marketing strategy
· Excellent negotiation and presentation skills
· Excellent contract and legal awareness
· Assessing needs of clients and the organisation and creating positive partnerships
· Good manager/team player

May 1999 – Dec 2000 Rugby Football League
Operations Director 30 Direct Reports

Responsible for the operational and logistical management of the Rugby League World Cup involving 16 senior nations and 6 emerging nations. Responsible for generating commercial income and marketing and PR programme.

Key achievements

· Delivered 40 games in 5 countries at 33 different venues over 3 tournaments
· Record commercial income, through sponsorship, and record attendances
· Media strategy that delivered a strong and consistent message

Key skills

· Planning and organisational skills
· Attention to detail in all areas
· Working to tight deadlines
· Keeping focussed on objectives and financial constraints


March 1998 – May 1999 JJB Sports
Stadium Director/General Manager 50 Direct Reports

Responsible for the development and project management of the JJB Stadium, JJB Soccer Centres and the JJB Health Clubs and hotel groups

Key achievements

· Completion of all sites on time and within budget
· Implementation of all operational procedures
· Implementation of marketing and PR plan
· Delivering key commercial partners and sponsorship

Key skills

· Strong performance management under tight deadlines
· Clarity in decision making
· Excellent communicator
· Financial management
· Workforce motivation and management

Jan 1987 – March 1998 Local Authorities
Various positions Various Direct Reports

Responsible for all aspects of leisure management issues including key management posts at two of the UK’s premier leisure facilities.

Key achievements

· Rapid career progression
· UK Leisure Manager of the Year 1996
· ISRM President 1998
· Development of the North West’s largest multi-sport venue
· Excellent commercial results
· Organisation and management of many national and international events

Key skills

· Commitment and enthusiasm
· Strong performance management under tight deadlines
· Clarity in decision making
· Excellent communicator
· Financial management
· Workforce motivation and management

CAREER HISTORY – Local Authority

EMPLOYER
DATES
POST HELD
Chorley BC
Jan 1987 –April 1992
Asst. Mgr/Comm. Officer
Leisure Officer Contract Management
Wigan MBC
April 1992 –May 1995
Contracts Manager/
Leisure Operations Manager
Wirral MBC
May 1995 – Jan 1997
General Manager – Europa Pools
Wigan MBC
Jan 1997 – March 1998
Robin Park Sports Centre General Manager


EDUCATION

Euxton Church of England Primary School Sept 1974 – July 1981
St Michael’s High School, Chorley Sept 1981 – July 1986

QUALIFICATIONS

11 “O” levels

FURTHER EDUCATION

Runshaw Tertiary College Sept 1986 – March 1987
Blackburn College (part-time) Sept 1988 – June 1989
Lancashire College of Agriculture &
Horticulture (part-time) Sept 1990 – July 1992

PROFESSIONAL QUALIFICATIONS

Diploma in Leisure Management
Institute of Leisure and Amenity Management Certificate
Institute of Leisure and Amenity Management Diploma
National Examining Board of Supervisory Management, Certificate in Leisure and Recreation (NEBSM)
BTEC Continuing Education Certificate in Sport and Recreation Management


MEMBERSHIP OF PROFESSIONAL INSTITUTES/ORGANISATIONS/ BOARD POSITIONS

Institute of Leisure and Amenity Management – Full qualified Diploma member – MILAM (DIP)
Institute of Sports and Recreational Management – Full member – M.Inst.SRM
Member – Deputy Prime Ministers 2007 Bicentenary Advisory Group on the Abolition of the Slave Trade
Member – The National Culture and Creativity Advisory Forum to London 2012 Olympics Games
Board Member – The Mersey Partnership Tourism Board
Board Member – The North West Tourism Forum
Board Member – Liverpool Culture Company
Board Member – The North West Development Agency Major Events Group
Member – North West Steering Group for the 2012 Olympic Games
Member of ISRM Northern Executive Board (President in 1998-1999)
Board member of Rugby League International Federation (1998 – 2001)


HOBBIES AND INTERESTS

I have a very keen interest in sport and culture; I enjoy watching live sport and experiencing major sports events.
.
I have been very fortunate to pursue my hobby, broadcasting, working on local, regional and national radio and TV as a presenter and producer.

I enjoy power boating and when time permits I enjoy lazy weekends on the Mar Menor in Spain!

My family are very important to me and I enjoy spending time with my wife and daughter

FURTHER DETAILS

If you require references or any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Monday, December 17, 2007

SHOCK EXCLUSIVE: THE BARROWBOY, JASON ORANGE, TRUNDLES BACK TO THE HACIENDA

THE Harbarrowboy has returned to his hammock in the hacienda for the festive season - after his brief 'keeping up appearances' return to the Fun Palace.

Jase's invisible man act has, remarkably, failed to stir even a second of interest from his former staff in the Culture Company.

He has not been seen since he popped in for half an hour to show his incredibly orange face.

Staff are all too busy trying to get the show on the road to be arsed about their former £150,000-a-year chief executive returning to Spain for another jolly.

No one cares what happens to him - if anything few appear to have even noticed his absence. (It's hardly as if the Culture Company has suddenly lurched from crisis to crisis since he disappeared post the Mathew Street debacle, is it? eds)

Typists in the Municipal Building who threatened to strike have now been re-assured by Cover Up that Jason Orange will too busy topping up his tan in the future to bother them.

(We've made this last bit up and included it anyway, cos it made us laugh out loud, eds)

So what is likely to happen now?
We have opened a special book on it:

1) Jase could return to a hero's welcome for the opening ceremony on January 11/12th.
(Unthinkable, eds)

2) Jase could turn russet brown.

(Highly likely, eds)

3) Jase could become a Continental cultural consultant and go around Europe conning Eastern Europe into taking him seriously.

(Possible, eds)

4) Jase could bring a barrow to Wimbledon next year, selling strawberries to go with his Spanish ice cream.

(Too obvious, eds)

5) Jase could stay on the sick for the entire duration of 2008 and pocket £150,000 a year, plus Performance Related Pay, for doing precisely fuck all.

(This would be no different from previous years, so we are ruling it out completely, eds)

6) Jase could sue the council for constructive dismissal and with his massive compensation award, buy a holiday home for the foolish Fireman in the Canaries as a gesture of gratitude.

(Even money on this, eds)

7) Jase could retire with a minimum two years salary (more than £300,000, plus Performace Related Pay, tax-free, eds) as the city council give him a bumper pay-off just to see the back of him while the foolish Fireman begs the local media to: "Move On/Forget About My Disastrous Blunders".

(Hot favourite, eds)

8) Jase sets up a consultancy with Sir Diddy, Robbing Archer, Chris Green and Kevin Johnston who have all taken huge pay-offs from the council, and laugh all the way to the bank at how they have ripped off the council tax payers of Liverpool for more than £1million.

(A dead cert, eds)

Friday, December 14, 2007

SHOCK EXCLUSIVE: WHAT IS THE COST OF THE OPENING EVENT?

SO FAR, the launch event for Liverpool Capital of Culture 2008, has cost a cool £1.3million.
Now how many council house repairs, or jobs for unemployed Liverpool lads, or extra bobbies on the beat, could that pay for?

More follows soon.....

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

OPENING CEREMONY 'ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN', BUT NO ONE TO BLAME SHOCK

Is the opening ceremony an accident waiting to happen?
That is the question facing safety experts as the wheels start to fall off the Harbarrowboy's launch vehicle.

There is now a mood of barely concealed panic in the Fun Palace as the realisation dawns that the Culture Company is just not equipped to stage such a major outdoor event.

Having lost Lee Forde through incompetence, staff are now being stretched to the limit by the huge number of extra events being planned for 2008.

Added to that is the mind-boggling ineptitude of some of the plans - for example, the launch event is due to feature acrobats abseiling and throwing themselves off the roof of St George's Hall while Ringo waves to the breathless millions (shouldn't that be minions? eds)below.

The Echo has of course conspired in this utter lunacy by making a public appeal for acrobatic volunteers - local nutters who fancy a bit of sky-diving and 15 seconds of fame (the amount of time it takes to fall from the roof to the pavement below and then expire on the ground after waving weakly to the CBS camera crews, eds).

Do you think if some poor imbecile gets hurt in this insanity, that the Echo will splash the next day on "'We are to blame' - admits shame-faced Editor"?

Will they bollocks.

They will wash their hands of responsibility like any other person who holds power in Liverpool.

But they have been thoroughly irresponsible dupes of the crackpots in charge of the Culture Company who think any Tom, Dick or Harry can happily abseil down the front of St George's hall without any proper training.

This is not Health and Safety political correctness gone mad.

This is about properly established procedures to keep people safe.

And God knows. in the city that suffered Heysel and Hillsborough. you would have thought some lessons had been learned about public safety.

Wouldn't you?

But no.

Aside from these very obvious safety concerns, there are major issues around public liability insurance, policing, crowd control - how many people are going to turn up expecting to get a personal audience with Ringo? - and damage and disruption caused to St George's and other historic buildings which will also have rooftop displays.

The astronomical cost is escalating by the minute - no official figures of course - and people are, literally, running around the Fun Palace like headless chickens trying to make it all stack up.

The NWDA's representative on earth, Bernice Law has now taken to calling 7.30 am emergency meetings to try and get a grip on things and turn it around.

But the clock is ticking and the pressure is mounting.

Particularly when the Culture Company proudly boast that CBS will be turning up to see Ringo live. (Or should that be live? eds)

Hopefully he won't have to step over any prone bodies on his way to the interview van.

Expect to see whole parts of the opening ceremony suddenly junked for no apparent reason and without explanation.

Meanwhile the architects behind this accident waiting to happen - Donald Bullshitter and Clare McCogloose amongst others - will evade all responsibility.

Just like the fine example set by Fireman Bradley.

After all, they have only had the last four years to plan this event. It has hardly come as a sudden shock, has it?

Some poor bugger in the events team will probably get all the blame, instead. As is the Liverpool Way.

But we issue this warning now.

If one single person - either a participant or spectator - is seriously injured during this opening ceremony or any other CoC event, we will make sure that, this time, the finger is pointed at very firmly at those responsible.

And we will not let you bastards get away with it.

We just hope we are proved wrong.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

THE ICE CREAM MAN COMETH AND GOETH...AND HAS SOME FILING TO GET ON WITH....

What are we to make of the Harbarrowboy's continuing absence from the Fun Palace?

Since he popped in at 1pm last Tuesday for a few hours, he appears to have gone to ground again.

The £150,000 a year (plus PRP) chief executive has not been seen since.

So where can he be?

(In his hammock in the hacienda again? eds)

Culture Company staff have been left scratching their heads at the semi-invisible man's re-appearance and then dis-appearance again.

Is Jase now spending all his time around at the Fireman's gaffe, chatting to the parakeet?

Perhaps.

But maybe a comment from Bryan Gray, Chair of the North West Development Agency sheds more light on the Harbarrowboy's whereabouts.

Gray, who has virtually taken over responsibility for the Culture Company, has said of Jase:

"He's the city council's problem now - not ours anymore. We have no further use for him."
So, putting the ball back firmly in the court of the council, for whom Jase is Executive Director for Culture, is a rather neat trick to off-load any responsibility for the Barrowboy.

It also accounts for Jases's on-off absence from the Fun Palace.

Rumour has it that Cover Up has found him a place in the typing pool on the top floor of the Municipal Buildings and is next week supposed to be sorting him out with some typing and photocopying to keep him busy.

(Which probably means the city council is going to start sending out poll tax letters to dead people again, eds)

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

THE RETURN OF THE HARBARROWBOY: The ice-cream man cometh....


UPDATE: 1.07 PM.

HE'S BACK!

THE ICE-CREAM MAN SLIPPED INTO THE FUN PALACE JUST AFTER 1 CLOCK TODAY.

ONE BY-STANDER TAKES UP THE STORY:

"YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A PIN DROP, HE JUST WANDERED INTO HIS OFFICE. THE BULLSHITER WAS NOT SITTING THERE, OTHERWISE THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN AN UNPLEASANT SCENE.

"IT WAS OBVIOUS THAT NOBODY EXPECTED HIM TO TURN UP, THE BULLSHITTER AND HIS GANG OF INCOMPETENTS WERE IN ANOTHER MEETING IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM.

"JASE WANDERED ABOUT A BIT, SCRATCHED HIS HEAD AND THEN WALKED OUT AGAIN TO THE CONFEENCE ROOM. IT WAS REALLY STRANGE.

"HE LOOKS JUST LIKE A TOBY JUG - HE HAS GOT EVEN FATTER. AND HIS SKIN IS A RIDICULOUS SHADE OF ORANGE."

FOR THE NEXT EXCITING INSTALMENT, STAY POSTED....

THE RETURN OF THE HARROWBOY: STILL NO SIGN OF JASE...


UPDATE: 12.20

Still no sign of the Harbarrowboy anywhere in the Fun Palace. The expectant air has now gone, the nervous giggling has ceased (that was Donald Bullshitter, eds), the sense of expectancy in thr typing pool all but vanished. Even Clare McCogloose has stopped blathering on about 'it will all be fine when Jase comes back."

Perhaps he is now negotiating with Brian Gray, from the NWDA, instead? Or talking to his solicitor? There must be a solution to this.....?????????

THE RETURN OF THE HARBARROWBOY: JASE STILL NOT SPOTTED IN FUN PALACE, SHOCK

10.15 am.........
HARBARROWBOY LATEST: Jase has still not been spotted behind his desk in the Fun Palace. Perhaps he is still talking to CoverUp?

Monday, December 03, 2007

MATHEW ST SENSATION: COVERUP COMES CLEAN - BRADLEY LIED THREE TIMES (AND THEN THE COCK CROWED)

WHAT a turn-up that was folks!

Colin CoverUp has come clean in this morning's Daily Post - and dumped the fibbing Fireman in a huge pile of shit.

CoverUp has revealed that, in fact, Fireman Bradley never told him about his secret meeting with Mathew St scapegoat Lee Forde.

This was what the Fireman first told the papers on Saturday:
"He (Bradley) said he raised the issues with the council chief executive, Colin Hilton, and senior Culture Company staff in the “first couple of days after the meeting”.

But this was what Hilton wrote to Joe Anderson today:

"I can confirm that I was totally unaware that Lee Forde had met with Cllr Bradley and Cllr Storey, let alone any of the information contained in the account of that meeting set out in the dossier."

So that was the THIRD lie told by Bradley, who has now demonstrated that he is totally unfit to govern.

At which point the cock crowed...

The SECOND lie was when Bradley claimed Lee Forde had first texted him to instigate the secret Wavertree-gate meeting.

But Forde's mobile phone bill reveals that he texted Bradley an hour after the Fireman had first sent him a flurry of emails asking for a meeting.

The FIRST lie was when the fibbing Fireman first denied even having a meeting! That was just so contemptible a lie that we won't even bother proving it. (Read the earlier posts instead, eds)

So where are we now? (Waiting for the Fireman to walk the plank? eds)

Yes.
Clearly CoverUp has now had enough of the Fireman and has completely washed his hands of him.

His letter was an astonishing example of a chief executive putting the boot in and then very publicly distancing himself from the Leader.

That was the bureaucratic coup de grace - now we must wait patiently for the political knives to be buried in Bradley's back.

CoverUp realised that if he did not properly handle the Lib Dem Leader's role in this disgraceful plot, he would himself become embroiled in the conspiracy.

So after letting off the hook his former colleagues in the evil cabal - to Hilton's eternal shame - he has finally decided to come clean.

(Although, he's still not to be trusted, eds)

There is also no doubt that Hasitall and the Rottweiller are loving all this. So be it.

The only hope we have that those scum will ever be properly dealt with, is if there is a complete change in Town Hall administration.

The Lib Dems have proved they are unfit to govern. It's time for a change.

PS The Harbarrowboy is due back in the Fun Palace tomorrow morning 123 days after the Fireman demanded his head - Jase may actually turn up, bold as the brass medallion around his neck, with no hint of a blush under his perma-tan.

Sadly, Jase will have missed the chance to make a fast buck at tonight's Royal Variety Show, where he could have tried to sell some of his Spanish ice creams to 'Gentleman Joe' Anderson and the Fireman, who were, amazingly, due to spend the evening sitting side by side.
Will keep you posted on Jase's progress tomorrow (he won't last long, eds) and the polite chatter that no doubt passed between Bradley and Joe.
HM The Queen (to Bradley)......"And what do you do, young man?"
Bradley (to HM)...."Lie through my fucking teeth, your Maj"

Sunday, December 02, 2007

LIAR, LIAR - BRADLEY'S ON FIRE!!!!


THE story so far....

Council leader Warren 'I'm only a fireman' Bradley has LIED twice about his clandestine meeting with scapegoated Lee Forde.

The fibbing Fireman lied ONCE when he first told the Daily Post that he had not met Mr Forde, just two days after smearing his reputation and good character with the publication of the now discredited Mathew St report.

The fibbing Fireman was then forced to admit that the secret meeting had actually taken place after all, when he was confronted with a huge amount of detail about the meeting - even down to the colour of Bradley's three piece suite, the type of beer supplied (Peroni, eds) and the parakeet in the front room of his home in Wavertree ('whose a silly boy then Warren? eds)

The fibbing Fireman lied a SECOND time when, in a foolish attempt to hide his plotting, he told the Daily Post that Mr Forde had first texted him to arrange a meeting.

This was of course utter bollocks - and Mr Forde has the evidence to prove it.

The fibbing Fireman emailed Mr Forde at 13.49 on November 17th desperately asking for a meeting to discuss 'next steps'. (Bradley has so far failed to deny emailing Mr Forde, eds. )

An examination of Mr Forde's mobile phone bill reveals that Mr Forde first texted the Fireman an hour after those emails were sent.

So it was the fibbing Fireman who initiated the secret meeting with his flurry of emails - not Mr Forde.

No doubt Mr Forde will he happy to supply his mobile phone records to the Standards Board to assist them in their enquiries into the fibbing Fireman's activities.

The only question that remains is this...

Has the Fireman fibbed a THIRD time?

Bradley claimed that he had notified chief executive Colin CoverUp of his secret meeting with Mr Forde 'in the first couple of days after'.

(So CoverUp was part of the same conspiracy then, was he? And what action, if any, did CoverUp take about the Leader of the Council secretly meeting a former employee, Mr Forde, who is currently suing the council for constructive dismissal? This is all highly irregular...)

It remains to be seen now what light CoverUp can shed on the Fireman's claim - and whether CoverUp is now prepared to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help him God.

Why does any of this matter? (We were wondering that, eds)

Because it shows that Liverpool is being led by a politician who will happily lie to the media - and therefore to the people of Liverpool - in a desperate attempt to save his own skin.

And that he will also attempt to again trash the repuation of an innocent man in the process.

We are not sure what CoverUp is going to say, if anything.

We are not sure either how the meeja feels about a politician who lies to them.

But we are absolutely certain what the people of Liverpool's verdict will be if it is shown that Bradley has lied THREE TIMES.

Students of American politics (that's us, eds) who have examined the Watergate affair, will tell you that it was the attempted cover-up and not the crime that finally did for Richard Milhouse Nixon.

And so it may yet prove in 'Wavertree-gate'.

Friday, November 30, 2007

NOT 'ALL TOGETHER NOW' PART 2

MORE on Fireman Bradley's banning of The Farm from Capital of Culture because they are backing Lee Forde....
Of course our lovable pop mop tops do not know anything at all about the 'Bradley ban' - no one in the Culture Company has had the bottle to break it to them so far.

Mouth Almighty Jane Casey (oh god is she still around? eds) had a meeting yesterday about the Opening Ceremony with Peter Hooton from The Farm and never mentioned the ban once.

That's because she didn't know about it and has been too busy recently counting all the loot she has been paid by the Culture Co to keep her gob shut.

So The Farm are still waiting to be told about the Fireman Bradley ban - ordered because he does not like The Farm for publicly and proudly supporting scape-goated Lee Forde over Mathew St.

However, we can also reveal that so childish and petty is Fireman Bradley that he actually refused to play the new CoC vid at a recent meeting, because 'All Together Now' was still on the soundtrack.

How much more embarrassing to the city of Liverpool can this foolish fireman get? (Oh there's tons more of this stuff to come - just you wait, eds)

Bradley's childish megalomaniac antics have caused much disbelief and merriment in the Fun Palace, which now has the unenviable task of producing an expensive new soundtrack.

(It would be a good Freedom of Information question to put to Colin CoverUp so that we could try to unravel the precise cost of the Bradley ban, wouldn't it? eds. Then someone could send Bradley a bill for wasting council taxpayer's money.)

Despite trying to commission the new soundtrack, Culture staff have yet to work out how to tell Casey that The Farm are off the Opening Ceremony bill.

(They can read it here, can't they? eds)

Of course, the lovable popsters might be back on the bill straightaway, if something unfortunate were to suddenly happen to Fireman Bradley between now and Christmas (what ever can he mean? eds)

Perish that thought....

Thursday, November 29, 2007

'ALL TOGETHER NOW' WITH THE FARM....UNLESS YOU ARE FIREMAN BRADLEY!

FIREMAN BRADLEY has ordered that Liverpool popsters, The Farm should be banned from Capital of Culture - because they have publicly supported scape-goated Lee Forde.
The band's nineties anthem "All Together Now" has been used as the soundtrack for yet another ruinously expensive new Culture Company video for 2008.

Unfortunately Donald Bullshitter had forgotten to obtain the band's authorisation to use their toe-tapping number - but such incompetence is only a minor detail in the madcap world of the Fun Palace,

However, when a proud and excited Bullshitter unveiled his latest magnum opus (ooooerrrmissus, eds) to a morose Fireman, he was taken aback by the reaction.

The Furious Fireman went spare when he heard the Farm's ditty on the vid and immediately insisted that they be removed from the soundtrack (who does this jumped-up fuckwit think he is - Adolph Hitler? eds).

And he went even further.

Bradley has also now demanded that The Farm are removed from the all-star line-up (shurely shome mistake? eds) for the 2008 Opening Ceremony.

Their crime?(Being socialists? eds)

No.

The Farm had unequivocally and very publicly defended Lee Forde's reputation both in the Echo, on Radio Murkeyside and on blogs and cheeky little webbie things like this, all over the place.

The jumped-up Fireman had taken Umbrage (after taking Czechoslovakia presumably, eds) at their stout, loyal and accurate defence of Lee. Bradley vowed that the popular beat combo should not be in anyway involved in Capital of Culture one iota, no sirreee.

(As if they were bothered, eds)

That's not the point! Who gave Bradley authority to start banning people just because they are not cowardly, lying bastards like him?

Bradley's megalomaniac tendencies appear to be increasing as his support and self-control rapidly diminishes.

We would now encourage The Farm to go public on this scandalous censorship and tell all to anyone who has the good sense to spot a good story when they see one (not the Echo then? eds).
HISTORICAL NOTE: Fans of the first Tony Parrish will recall that his personal profile on the Liverpool-evil-cabal blog contained five rousing and defiant pop songs as his favourites. Amongst them was...., you guessed it, The Farm's "All Together Now".

SPOOKY CO-INCIDENCE: "All Together Now" was taken from The Farm's album, which of course was named (eerie roll of drums, eds)....'Spartacus'. A photo of the immortal Kirk Douglas as the rebel slave Spartacus was of course, the image chosen by the first Tony Parrish to adorn his now legendary 'Liverpool evil cabal' blog. (Them were the days, eds)

STRANGE BUT TRUE: The Leader of Liverpool city council is (supposedly,) a keen Evertonian, whose 1995 FA Cup side used 'Altogether Now' for their theme tune as Paul Rideout popped one under the bar against ManU (we wuz there, remember Ged? eds).

EDITOR'S NOTE: Fireman Bradley is a juvenile toss-pot, who should grow up and who is unfit to lead the city of Liverpool. He deserves everything that is now coming to him.

All Together Now?

Monday, November 19, 2007

JASE: 'I shall return" or "I haven't done a deal yet, so anything could still happen, manana."


DISAPPOINTING news about Jase today - he won't be returning to the Fun Palace for another TWO WEEKS!

The Harbarrowboy had been due to turn up bright and early at Millennium House today to evict Donald Bullshitter from his office.

Donald had moved into the office as "acting" chief executive, while poor Jase was licking ice creams for his heart condition back at the hacienda.

Some Culture Company staff even turned up for work earlier than normal this morning in a bid to witness the eviction of the Bullshitter.

But all to no avail.

Poor Jase couldn't manage to summon up the strength to leave his hammock and return to Liverpool.

Instead he reported to Colin CoverUp that he didn't feel quite up to it - but thought he might be a bit better in a fortnight.

However, he apparently made it clear that when he came back, he would need to "ease himself" into the full swing of things in the run-up to 2008.

So don't expect Jase to be immediately running around like a blue-arsed fly sorting everything out.

(Some hope of that, eds.)

Some terrible cynics might think that Jase is delaying his return to allow the fall-out from Mathew Street to clear.

Then he can be greeted like a returning hero. (No chance of that, eds.)

But as we all know - thanks to the excellent official city council report - Jase has nothing to fear from Mathew Street.

He did nothing wrong at all. Nothing went wrong while he was in charge. It was all that fella Lee Forde's fault in the first place.

Any suggestion otherwise would be a disgraceful calumny on all the excellent work that Jase has put in, for so little reward and absolutely no thanks at all from you ungrateful bastards.

Does anyone seriously expect poor Jase, as the £150,000-a-year (plus Performance Related Pay, eds) chief executive of the Culture Company, to take any interest at all in something called the Mathew Street Festival?

Don't be silly, Jase has far better things to do - breakfasts and lunches to go to; drinks to partake of; wealthy nobs to hob with; cock-ups to mastermind.

Jase is too busy making 2008 the most fantastic spectacle Liverpool has ever seen.

(Too fucking right, it's going to be an amazing spectacle, eds)

So, sadly, we will have to wait until December 3rd to see Jase again.

And we sincerely hope he will be given a welcome fit for such a returning hero.

Monday, November 12, 2007

'RANDY' LAUNCHES NEW MEDIA CHARM OFFENSIVE TO TRY AND SAVE LIB DEMS

A MEDIA charm offensive has been launched by 'Randy' Newman to save the Fireman's skin and the Lib Dems.

Journalists from unholyTrinity Mirror, Radio Murkeyside and other assorted odds and sods from the Fourth Estate were invited to the Town Hall tonight to be wined and dined.

(Any members of the media who were not on the guest list get a gold star, eds)

It was hoped by Randy that a free piss-up and a few vol-au-vents would help persuade the susceptible hacks to lay off when it came to dishing the dirt on the Lib Dems and the incompetents at the Culture Company.

Indeed Randy who, extremely unusually, was not buying drinks for any young lady friends or, come to that, members of his own staff, orchestrated special 'guest' appearances by Fireman Bradley and Lord Mayor, Paul Clark.

Both Lib Dems took to their feet to lecture the journalists on what constitutes 'good news' and to allege that all this 'negative coverage we have been experiencing recently' was not in the city's best interests.

A lengthy editorial aside: What is definitely not in the city's best interests is for you bunch of Lib Dem fuck-wits to be paying a fortune in salaries to twats like Colin CoverUp, the Harbarrowboy, Donald Bullshitter, Randy, Clare McCogLoose et al, who don't know their arses from their elbows and couldn't run a piss-up in a brewery to save their lives.

Bradley 'entertained' the few assembled hacks who were forced to remain because they were unable to make a quick excuse about having a cold to catch.

The Fireman made a speech of such horrific ineptitude and cringe-worthiness that jaundiced journos wept openly in amazement that a Leader of a such a great city could be so unremittingly poor.

Both the Fireman and Clark tried to persuade the journos, apparently in all seriousness, that Liverpool's best interests were the same as the Lib Dems.

In other words and to parapahrase the Fireman and Clark: "Every time you write a story about how crap we are, it damages the city we all love so much and hold so dear to all our hearts, (blah, blah, blah, memo to chief sub-editor: "take in usual bollocks").

Or "Every time you run down this fine and noble, top-quality first class council of ours, you run down the city."

(Another lengthy editorial aside: Wrong on both counts, guys. This speech should have read: "Everytime you write a story about how crap we are, hastens the day when Liverpool wakes up from the Lib Dem nightmare, kicks these stupid fuckers out on their ear and gets some competent politicians and clean government in. OR .....Every time you expose this crap council, you make the case for a much better council with some strong leadership in charge. Which of course, is exactly what the put-upon people of Liverpool deserve."

Speaking of which: Labour's Joe Anderson turned up to spread more mischief amongst the assembled media.

So Lib Dem charm offensive to no avail.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

HASTA LA VISTA!!!!!!!!!MESSAGE FROM INSIDE THE CULTURE COMPANY - POOR JASE HAS POCKETED ANOTHER £300,000 FROM COVER UP

The following is a message we have received from one of our many reliable sources inside the Culture Company. We have no reason to doubt its authencity.

You are right to speculate about the future and well-being of poor Jason. I am reliably informed that despite his truly astounding efforts to soldier on in the face of his mutiple ailments he has with a very heavy (and extremely dicky) heart agreed to remain in his austere Spanish sanatorium for the foreseeable future . Leading medical opinion is seemingly clear that any further exposure to Liverpool's notoriously toxic micro-climate may prove fatal to a man of Jason's fragile and sensitive constitution. According to my very well placed source the bitter disappointment of exile has been tempered by a thoroughly deserved farewell gift from the Council Tax payers of Liverpool believed to be in th region of £300,000. I understand that we can all thank our ever-generous Chief Executive Mr Colin-cover-up-Hilton for this thoughtful gesture of civic grattitude. It will be some small consolation for the ailing Jason as he stoically submits to his harrowing therapeutic regime.

Friday, November 09, 2007

IT'S OFFICIAL; THE HARBARROWBOY IS NEVER COMING BACK...

THE Culture Company's Harbarrowboy will definitely not be returning from Spain to his executive office in the Fun Palace, we can officially announce.


Why so certain?


Simple.


In the manner of all loyal lieutenants, the Harbarrowboy's No 2, Donald Bullshitter (aka Kris Donaldson) has now moved into his missing boss's office!


Donald has even emptied Jase's drawers (oooerr missus, eds) and replaced them with his own bits and bobs. (There's an in-joke lurking suspiciously here, but we can't quite put our fingers on it. To coin a phrase, eds)


Anyroadup, Donald Bullshitter moved into Jase's hole within days of the Harbarrowboy telling the Daily Post: "I shall return."


Clearly his former loyal deputy has other ideas.


Poor old Jase's Personal Assistant has also taken a powder at this despicable turn of events and gone on the sick.


Leaving the Bullshitter to immediately install his own PA in her place!


With friends like this, who needs enemies, Jase?


Meanwhile the Daily Post is planning an exclusive story saying that -
  • as well as selling all his property interests on Merseyside (first revealed here, eds)

  • gaining dual Spanish nationality (first revealed here, eds)

  • his wife and family moving to Spain months ago (first revealed here, eds)

  • Jase buying an ice cream factory (first revealed here, eds )

  • and Jase suffering from a heart condition (first revealed here, eds) -

Jase has ALREADY BEEN PAID OFF with a cheque for £300,000 from the Fireman and CoverUp on behalf of the grateful citizens of Liverpool.

Any suggestion that the dynamic duo are also planning a plaque on Mathew Street in Jase's memory is without any semblance of substance.

But they are definitely planning a whip around for some form of commemorative sculpture next to Eleanor Rigby which will mark Jase's exile in the hacienda - "all the lonely people, where do they all belong....?"

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

MATHEW ST LATEST: JASE PHONES COVERUP TO RETURN AND BOOK HIS PLACE FOR MTV....BUT COVER UP SAYS NO!




THE chattering classes report an unusual telephone conversation between the Harbarrowboy - safely exiled in Spain - and Colin CoverUp, unsecurely tied to his desk in the Municipal Buildings in downtown Dale Street.

Apparently the conversation went something like this...

Jase: Eh up Col, how's it going, ba gum?

Col: Jase, why are you ringing me?

Jase: I want t'come back ont' Wednesday so that I can go t' MTV awards in Munich on't Thursday. Dago doc says ma ticker is tickety boo, although appen I've got touch of skin cancer now. But that there MTV show is going to be a crackin gig, tha knows, there's loads of champagne and them there dancing girls and 'ollywood celebs we can run shoulders with and.....

Col: I don't think that would be 'appropriate'.

Jase: Why not mucker? It was ma bloomin' idea to bring MTV t'pool int' first place and ah'm not missing this fookin trip, for love nor money. Snoop Dogg is on!

Col: Who?

Jase: Snoop Dog! Ya know, fo' shizzle, ma nizzle!

(long, long pause)

Jase: Hello, Col! Are you still there, matey? Summat up?

Col: Yes, Jason.

Jase: So is tha' alright with you then mucker, if i come back in on't Wednesday? I'll do a bit of paperwork first for an hour or so, go and 'ave me lunch and then fook off to Berlin? There's a lot of work to do to get ready for 2008, tha knows. Peoples to see, places to go.... Matey.

Col: No Jase, I am afraid that would not be a sensible move. You know, the Leader of the Council's view about all this. And anyway, he is very busy now, doing all that extra homework with all the various reports he has been given.

Jase: Well bah the Christ, if thou is not for letting me back to work on the morrer, I shall ave to sling me hook and take three more weeks off on't sick! So there! And evil rottweiller McElhinney can do his worst! He can hire all t'taxis he wants to scuttle around to my gaff ont' wirral handing out notices demanding that ah'm to report for medical exam! But I won't be there, see! Ha, ha! Ah'll be at th'acienda! Eatin' lolly ice!

(Jase hangs up phone)

Col: Jason? Jason?

(to be continued....)

Sunday, October 28, 2007

THE COMEBACK KID - DUE BACK ON WEDNESDAY.

THE Harbarrowboy is due to return to the Fun Palace this Wednesday.
That's according to his ceremonial stand-in, Donald Bullshitter, who has been going around "reassuring" everyone that good old Jase will be 'back soon'.

That's not the word amongst councillors or the ruling Lib Dem Exec Board who have been told that Jase will never darken their door again.

What worries us is, (if Jase does by some miracle return), where is he going to lay his sun-tanned torso?

Now that he has sold his detached house on the Wirral, will he move temporarily into one of the other two houses on Merseyside which he has has put up for sale?

Will he be looking for a B&B in Anfield?

Or will he be bedding down for the night in his office at the Fun Palace?

That can't be good for his health with a heart condition.

If you would like to offer Jase a bed for the night, give him a ring at his office on Wednesday morning. Tel: 0151 233 4447

Then you can also make sure he has turned up for work on time.

Of course, if Jase isn't able to answer the phone, you might conclude that Donald Bullshitter has been bullshitting again.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

FOR SALE: JASON'S £499,950 HOUSE ON THE WIRRAL

West Road, Noctorum, Wirral



We are delighted to offer for sale this superb DETACHED EXECUTIVE RESIDENCE situated in a popular area of Wirral only a brief distance to local facilities and schooling, enjoying the benefit of gas central heating and double glazing. The accommodation briefly comprises: Spacious Entrance Hall, Ground Floor WC, Large Lounge, Dining/Sitting Room, opening out into a large Conservatory, Snug/Study, Spacious Breakfast Kitchen with integrated appliances, Utility Room and to first floor there is a Landing, Four Bedrooms, the master affording an En-Suite Shower Room plus well appointed replacement four piece Family Bathroom. Externally there is an audio/visual intercom system and electric gates, long driveway extending to ample off road parking and turning space, larger than average garage with remote control door, principal lawned gardens to side plus raised timber decking feature.









FOR FURTHER DETAILS PLEASE CONTACT:Karl Tatler , Heswall

(re-assuring that all the money in the world can't buy taste, though, isn't it? eds)

Alternative descriptions of Jason's house are invited....

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

WHAT'S NEXT FOR JASE, AFTER CREAMING IT FROM LIVERPOOL'S CAPITAL OF CULTURE?

THIS is going to be hard to swallow...

But we can exclusively reveal that the Harbarrowboy is buying a Spanish ice cream factory while on his sickie!

Seems Jase has finally decided he has taken enough of a licking at the Culture Company.

So the Harbarrowboy has instead opted to (banana) split from Liverpool.

He didn't want to be gradually frozen out by the fireman Bradley (surely not? eds).

According to usually reliable sources (shouldn't that be sauces? eds), Jase has slowly begun to melt away from Merseyside.

(That's enough! eds)

He has already sold one of his homes - a large detached, according to the Daily Post - on the Wirral.

But the Harbarrowboy has two other properties on Merseyside which he intends to sell to the highest bidder.

Meanwhile Jase has been slowly recuperating from his obviously extremely serious and grave heart condition while at his sprawling hacienda on the Costa del Crime.

He has been relaxing (see our exclusive photo, right, eds) by regularly logging on to the Liverpool subCulture web site to catch up on Culture in the city.

But he has also found some time to extend his already bulging property portfolio in readiness for when his departure from the Culture Comedians is officially announced.

Jase has identified a local ice cream manufacturer as a sound business proposition.

(He's the next Alan Sugar, this fella Harbottle - after all, there's blazing hot sun all the year round, so the locals are bound to want two or three icies every day. Result - he's a multi-millionaire in no time at all! Brilliant! eds)

In order to buy the factory, Jase has had to scrimp and save to stump up enough cash from his lifetime of struggling at the coal face at the Culture Company's Millennium House Fun Palace (that's enough sick jokes, eds)

Any suggestion that the poor Harbarrowboy has been creaming off council tax payers money would be totally wrong. That possibility is wafer-thin.

As is the disgraceful claim that he has gotten fat on all that Liverpool lolly and is now splashing out in the Spanish sunshine.

Or that Jase has been sprinkling hundreds and thousands on to his new bizarre new enterprise.

(Right, that's it! eds)

All together now, "Just one cornetto..."

Thursday, October 11, 2007

HAS JASE ALREADY DONE A RUNNER, EVEN WITH HIS DODGY TICKER?

FEVERISH speculation concerning the whereabouts and intentions of Culture Company barrow boy Jason Harbarrowboy.

Jase's up-for-sale house on the Wirral is now boasting a 'Sold' sign and he has finally been granted Spanish dual nationality.

His wife and daughter have already fled to the Costa del Crime and Jase is reported to have joined them while on sick leave with a dodgy ticker.

One attractive theory has it that Jase will now go on the sick for six months, while sheltering in the shade of his hacienda.

Then he will persuade some pliable cardiac consultant to testify that his heart condition is stress-related - thus allowing Jason to quietly and reluctantly hang up his gold jewellery with a huge pay-off from the city council.

And the sympathy of the entire city and no stain on his reputation (shurely shome mistake? eds)

Then he can settle back into his hammock, top up his perma-tan and sip pina coladas until Kingdom Come - thanks to the generosity of the people of Liverpool.

"Difficult job very well done, invaluable contribution, Culture now moved into delivery phase, Redmond in charge, terribly sad, ill-health prevented Jason playing active role, nothing to do with Mathew Street mess, wish him well, sorry to see him go, hope he gets better soon, huge pay-off will help cushion the blow," goes Colin Cover Up's prepared script.

All of which neatly prevents the Harbarrowboy having to take any of the responsibility for cocking up Culture and wasting the city's best opportunity for a generation.

It is also alleged that the rottweiller McElhinney, (ooooooooh, that evil bastard is back on the scene, is he? eds) who is in charge of the city council's inHuman Relations Dept, has promised not to pursue Jase's sickness claim, or to insist on forcing him to take regular medical examinations back in Blighty, or to stake out his casa with private dicks seeking evidence of him partying late into the Spanish sunset with Cockney ne'er do wells and unidentified blondes.
No surprise really - after all, this lot are all members of the cabal, piss in the same pot and will look after each other, won't they?

On the other hand, Jase could be back in charge of Culture next week. (Gawdhelpus, eds)

Then again, he has probably already been given his ticket to ride.


Two tickets to one of the cultural highlights of 2008 for the best picture caption!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

JASE IS OFF SICK - GET WELL SOON!


OUR great friend Jason, the Harbarrowboy, Harbrow is currently off work from the £114million Culture Company through sickness.

For the last four months, Jase has been trying to keep secret a heart problem - which accounts for his latest absence from the Fun Palace.

His heart condition (he hasn't got one, eds) would of course give him a convenient excuse to reluctantly leave the Culture Company stage, without a stain on his fantastic public reputation. (do you think? eds)

So that makes the next move a bit more interesting for his employers, the city council, doesn't it?

Perhaps fireman Bradley will finally have his demand for Jase's head come true? Completely fortuitously, of course.

Meanwhile KenUnworthy is taking some time to find some expert legal opinion on the city council's Mathew Street debacle report (as we predicted, eds), so they are now planning to leak it next week.

Monday, October 01, 2007

MATHEW STREET DEBACLE SHOCK - NO ONE TO BLAME, BUT SCAPEGOAT FORDE


Stand by for some classic council skulduggery this week as the report on the Mathew St debacle is published.

The internal report will stand reality on its head by clearing both the Harbarrowboy and Cover Up of any blame or responsibility for the worst public relations disaster since Storey appointed Henshaw as chief exec.
Neither of course will be held to blame for cancelling Europe's biggest street music festival.

We hear that the finger will instead be pointed at Events chief Lee Forde who resigned from the £114million Culture Company in protest at Harbarrow's incompetence and the risk to public safety posed by cut-backs.

All the signs are that Forde will be made the convenient scapegoat for Harbarrow and Cover Up's incompetence and lack of judgement.

Of course it's easy for this pair of overpaid incompetents to take a pot shot at Forde now that he has left the council.

He has already vowed to take them to an industrial tribunal for unfair dismissal - so he will be fair game for whatever dirty little tactics the council can dream up to try and escape blame.

Expect all kinds of ridiculous allegations, carefully and selectively leaked to the gullible local media by the little Harbarrowboy and his grinning accomplice, the Smiling Assassin, Hasitall.

They will do anything to try and blacken Forde's name so they can appear whiter than white.

The council's report, which is due to be published by the end of the week, was today handed to "acting" City Solicitor, Michael KenUnworthy, aka the bald legal eagle.

'Cover Up' has decided to wait for expert legal opinion on the report's contents before he gives the order for it to be selectively leaked first to the Echo (then the DPost and then Radio Merseyside, trailing behind in a poor third place).

So he will be a long time waiting for expert legal opinion from KenUnworthy.

Monday, September 17, 2007

QUICK-QUICK FLO! THE STANDARDS BOARD ARE IN TOWN!!!!!

OFFICIALS from the Standards Board arrive in Liverpool this week to investigate Flo Clucas's actions over Dance Liverpool and the Irish centre.
The bossy bureaucrats have finally decided to act on Labour Leader Joe Anderson's formal complaint about Clucas and her actions over the Centre on Mount Pleasant.
Readers will recall how Anderson obtained leaked documents apparently showing how Clucas repeatedly breached the Code of Conduct for councillors.
Meanwhile we can reveal that the city council's Planning Chief, Nigel Lee has been removed from all discussions about the future of the Grade 11 listed building which the city council has negligently allowed to go to wrack and ruin.
Lee has been told he can take no further part in any decisions about the centre because of his previous actions and involvement with Clucas.
This is an extraordinary state of affairs - a highly paid official has been effectively told he cannot do his job for the city, because his impartiality has been compromised!
Quite why anyone should trust Lee with any other planning matters, when he has apparently already demonstrated his unfitness for public office, is a bit beyond us.
Typically, Colin Cover Up is doing his best to hush all this up, aided by the compliant local meeja.
Meanwhile Clucas faces the Standards Board to answer allegations that she abused her position and authority to favour and promote an organisation - Dance Liverpool - of which she is a Director.
It is also claimed that she failed to properly declare an interest in Dance Liverpool when she was promoting its campaign to take over the Irish Centre and also trying to arrange Euro and council funding for it!
Clucas is in charge of Objective 1 Euro funding for Merseyside.
Meanwhile the DPost and Echo continue to observe radio silence on this mildly interesting story, although we are informed that the lovable Lee Bennion at Radio Merseyside is planning a full-scale Panorama-style investigation.
Can't wait to hear what world exclusive you come up with Lee!
There is absolutely no suggestion that Councillor Clucas, a senior Lib Dem and Executive Member, is a corrupt servant of the people who is only involved in politics to serve her own personal interests and get out of it as much as she can, as long as no-one notices or dares to challenge her or stands up to her self-opinionated, pompous, self-serving ways which pay not a jot of attention to the interests of anyone else at all. No suggestion of any of that, at all.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

HUNT ON FOR MATHEW STREET MOLE IN LIB DEMS


HUGE ructions within the Lib Dem group over who leaked Fireman Bradley's email.

Angry words around the Corridors of the Power(less) in the Municipal Buildings and in The Fireman's under-siege Leader's Office, which now apparently resembles Henshaw's bolt-hole before Sir Diddy was finally forced to walk the plank.

Bradley has been extremely active on the phone, calling up his 'colleagues', summoning others to meandering meetings and constantly pleading for party discipline (bit late in the day for that, eds)

But Wounded Badley still cannot put out the fire started by the Mathew Street fiasco.

Apparently The Fireman has ordered his own internal leak enquiry - threatening expulsion from the Lib Dem party, never mind the group, if the mole is ever unearthed.

(Shades of the ridiculous Tony Parrish probe, eds. Perhaps The Fireman can get the bald legal eagle, KenUnworthy to help him out?)

It is clear that Bradley's letter to Hilton, demanding the Harbarbarrowboy's resignation came from a mole inside the Lib Dem group.

They were the only ones who were sent a copy - in the post (silly boy. But it does show his weakness if he has to try and impress his own group with hysterical letters to the chief exec! eds)

Unfortunately we have only been able to narrow the likely leaker down to any one of about 24 Lib Dem's who had good reason to undermine the Fireman.

Apparently one enterprising Lib Dem has even opened a book on the identity of the leaker, with former Leader Mike Storey now 9-4 favourite.

But we can reveal that, in fact, there were two leakers who acted, apparently independently, within days of each other.

One copy of the email was delivered in a brown envelope to Labour Leader Joe Anderson's office in the Corridors of the Power(less).

The second was pushed, unaddressed, through Anderson's letter box at home!

Meanwhile Anderson is now understood to be in detailed negotiations with THREE separate Lib Dem councillors - including one Executive Member! - who want to cross the floor (or leave the sinking ship, eds).

Anderson's masterly leaking of Bradley's email to the Liverpool Echo also had its moments of quiet satisfaction.

After confronting Cover Up with Bradley's email, Anderson demanded an explanation from Hilton.

Word is that Cover Up was virtually speechless with shock and could only babble semi-incoherently as Anderson looked on in bafflement.

Anderson decided to put Hilton out of his misery and curtly dismissed the £225,000 a year chief executive. The lonely Hilton was left to trudge disconsolately back to Henshaw's old office "as white as the proverbial sheet", according to one observer.

One of the best conpiracy theories currently doing the rounds is that the leaker was not a Lib Dem at all, but in fact the smiling assassin, Hasitall, who saw his chance to get Bradley and Hilton out of the way, leaving him with a shoe-in for the job of chief exec.

It has a certain attractive authenticity, given Hasitall's record.

Friday, June 15, 2007

WHOOOOOOPPSS! THE BALD LEGAL EAGLE HAS (CRASH) LANDED


PREPARE yourselves dear readers, for something of a let down...

News reaches us that the city council's acting City Solicitor, Michael Kenworthy has met with an unfortunate accident.

(What goes around, comes around, as Tory Blair, i mean Tori Blare, would say, ed)

It seems that Kenworthy, also known as the bald legal eagle, was conferring with council colleagues at a civic function to mark the opening of some obscure, non-descript standards body.

As is now the tradition in our Capital of Vultures, the wine was flowing.

The cultural canapes were fast disappearing and Kenworthy was entertaining the assembled company with tales of his derring-do battle to the brink with the first Tony Parrish. (Just kidding, ed. No one was entertained.)

Then Kenworthy, who has made it his lifetime's ambition to bring TP to justice (is this the city council's own peculiar brand of 'justice' then?- ie, they first of all break the law and then spend tens of thousands of pounds of council taxpayers money trying to cover it up? ed), had a slight mishap.

As the free booze flowed and the glasses were emptied, the bald legal eagle decided to fly the nest.

But then, I believe, he suddenly complained of 'feeling faint'.

The next thing you know, the bald legal eagle had landed. Crash-landed.

He was found lying in a heap not far from the scene of the carousing.

Any suggestion that Kenworthy had imbibed a single drop of alcohol, let alone too much, would be a disgraceful slur on an upstanding city council employee who has always upheld the highest traditions of public service.

Anyone who suggested otherwise and alleged that he had been freeloading too freely with the booze, would be guilty of the kind of disgraceful defamation which the first Tony Parrish perpetrated against such fine public servants as Sir David Henshaw, Dr David McElhinney and Mr Phillip Halsall.

(Have you taken leave of your senses? ed)

The legal eagle was taken to hospital where he has undergone a series of rigorous tests at great public expense to try and trace the source of the trouble, but without success.

As one councillor accurately remarked: "He didn't have to go to Fazakerley for a brain scan however, because there was obviously no point..."

He is now on the sick from the council (wonder if McElhinney will stop his sick pay? ed) where his expert legal advice and great legal judgement is sorely missed as prostrate he lies (what goes around, comes around as Tory Blair, i mean Tori Blare, would say (again), ed).

But, I believe, he will soon return to rejoin battle with Google in his lifelong bid to unmask TP and close down all blogs in the entire known universe (of which, more later, ed)

Meanwhile his predecessor as (non-acting, ed) City Solicitor, Graeme Careerist, is apparently tryin to keep his head down in the private sector and pretend he wasn't in charge when the council broke the law so disgracefully.

'WOUNDED BADLY' HAS FUN AT THE FUN PALACE....

Warren Bradley came into Millennnium House on Wednesday morning to try and rally the Culture Company troops after Joe Anderson's resignation.
It was a disaster.
First he started off by telling us not to take any notice of all the nonsense in the papers and that everything was great and 2008 was going to be fantastic. Does he think we are all stupid? We know it's not great - thats why we are so fed up with it all.
People just listened in silence as he told us how everything would be fine and we were all doing a fantastic job.
Patronising bastard.
Then after his little rallying the troops act, he had the cheek to say 'right everyone, let's all get back to work now.'
It was his little joke.
You could have heard a pin drop. We were gobsmacked. There were a few coughs and splutters and the sound of papers being shuffled and then everyone just turned away from him and started talking amongst themselves.
If he had carried on, he would probably have started a punch-up.
You are also right about Lee - he will be missed, altho he is staying until the end of August to see Mathew St through apparently.
And have you heard about that walking disaster Jane Casey? - she is now working with us in the Culture Company.
Don't know how much they are paying her to keep her mouth shut - it seems as if you can create enough fuss the Culture Co will try to buy your silence - but i would now willingly mortgage my house to stop her inane and irritating chatter all over the floor. She is barking mad.

vulture

Monday, June 11, 2007

REVEALED: THE SHOCKING TRUTH ABOUT INSPECTOR CLUELESS...


THERE'S no other way to prepare you for this, dear readers, but be warned, it will come as something of a shock. You really wouldn't believe it if you hadn't read it here first. Honestly, I had to ask my well-informed source to say it again, slowly, before I... (oh getonwithitwillya! ed)

Ok then...

Inspector Clueless, otherwise known as former councillor Richard Marbrow, has... joined a gym!

That's right, the tub of lard has joined the David Lloyd gymnasium in Speke.

Seems his abrupt departure from the political scene in the May local elections, has caused Fatso to undergo something of a mid-life crisis (he's only 76, ed) and to reflect on his past mistakes, misdemeanours and failures.

So once he has trimmed his wide girth to manageable proportions, we are expecting him to issue an abject public apology to the first Tony Parrish and to recant for his gullible subservience to the evil cabal.

How long this transformation will take we can only imagine.

Apparently, although he is a regular visitor to Mr Lloyd's fitness and fun establishment (as is that other fat bastard, Sir Diddy, ironically, ed) he does not appear to have lost much weight so far.

Perhaps he and Sir Diddy are meeting in the safety of the steam room to plot revenge on TP?

Marbrow has already apparently loudly vowed vengeance on those fellow Lib Dems who refused to allow him to take the chicken run from Kensington.

But Clueless's inability to shed a few pounds at the gym may have something to do with his unusual exercise regime.

After a hard five minutes limbering up within sight of the treadmill, he normally collapses in a dishevelled and sweaty heap. Mopping a fevered brow.

Then after helping himself to a few Mars bars to give him some extra energy, he usually takes comfort in a bucket of "food" from the nearby KFC. Washed down with a gallon of coke.

Whether Clueless ever has any room to tuck into humble pie for his 'afters', is anyone's guess.

But it would do him a world of good if he somehow learnt to swallow his pride.

We can only hope, (genuinely, ed) that he has experienced a real conversion after his well-deserved election defeat.

That a man who has above average intelligence could be so scintillatingly stupid, remains one of the great Liverpool mysteries of the 21st century.

That his overbearing lack of judgement should also be only outweighed by his self-important pomposity, is as baffling as his real age.

We hope however, that Clueless has learnt his lesson and that, in time, he will discover some much-needed maturity, humility and self-awareness.

Fat chance.