IT'S OFFICIAL; THE HARBARROWBOY IS NEVER COMING BACK...

THE Culture Company's Harbarrowboy will definitely not be returning from Spain to his executive office in the Fun Palace, we can officially announce.


Why so certain?


Simple.


In the manner of all loyal lieutenants, the Harbarrowboy's No 2, Donald Bullshitter (aka Kris Donaldson) has now moved into his missing boss's office!


Donald has even emptied Jase's drawers (oooerr missus, eds) and replaced them with his own bits and bobs. (There's an in-joke lurking suspiciously here, but we can't quite put our fingers on it. To coin a phrase, eds)


Anyroadup, Donald Bullshitter moved into Jase's hole within days of the Harbarrowboy telling the Daily Post: "I shall return."


Clearly his former loyal deputy has other ideas.


Poor old Jase's Personal Assistant has also taken a powder at this despicable turn of events and gone on the sick.


Leaving the Bullshitter to immediately install his own PA in her place!


With friends like this, who needs enemies, Jase?


Meanwhile the Daily Post is planning an exclusive story saying that -

• as well as selling all his property interests on Merseyside (first revealed here, eds)


• gaining dual Spanish nationality (first revealed here, eds)


• his wife and family moving to Spain months ago (first revealed here, eds)


• Jase buying an ice cream factory (first revealed here, eds )


• and Jase suffering from a heart condition (first revealed here, eds) -
  

Jase has ALREADY BEEN PAID OFF with a cheque for £300,000 from the Fireman and CoverUp on behalf of the grateful citizens of Liverpool.

Any suggestion that the dynamic duo are also planning a plaque on Mathew Street in Jase's memory is without any semblance of substance.

But they are definitely planning a whip around for some form of commemorative sculpture next to Eleanor Rigby which will mark Jase's exile in the hacienda - "all the lonely people, where do they all belong....?"

MATHEW ST LATEST: JASE PHONES COVERUP TO RETURN AND BOOK HIS PLACE FOR MTV....BUT COVER UP SAYS NO!

THE chattering classes report an unusual telephone conversation between the Harbarrowboy - safely exiled in Spain - and Colin CoverUp, unsecurely tied to his desk in the Municipal Buildings in downtown Dale Street.

Apparently the conversation went something like this...

Jase: Eh up Col, how's it going, ba gum?

Col: Jase, why are you ringing me?

Jase: I want t'come back ont' Wednesday so that I can go t' MTV awards in Munich on't Thursday. Dago doc says ma ticker is tickety boo, although appen I've got touch of skin cancer now. But that there MTV show is going to be a crackin gig, tha knows, there's loads of champagne and them there dancing girls and 'ollywood celebs we can run shoulders with and.....

Col: I don't think that would be 'appropriate'.

Jase: Why not mucker? It was ma bloomin' idea to bring MTV t'pool int' first place and ah'm not missing this fookin trip, for love nor money. Snoop Dogg is on!

Col: Who?

Jase: Snoop Dog! Ya know, fo' shizzle, ma nizzle!

(long, long pause)

Jase: Hello, Col! Are you still there, matey? Summat up?

Col: Yes, Jason.

Jase: So is tha' alright with you then mucker, if i come back in on't Wednesday? I'll do a bit of paperwork first for an hour or so, go and 'ave me lunch and then fook off to Berlin? There's a lot of work to do to get ready for 2008, tha knows. Peoples to see, places to go.... Matey.

Col: No Jase, I am afraid that would not be a sensible move. You know, the Leader of the Council's view about all this. And anyway, he is very busy now, doing all that extra homework with all the various reports he has been given.

Jase: Well bah the Christ, if thou is not for letting me back to work on the morrer, I shall ave to sling me hook and take three more weeks off on't sick! So there! And evil rottweiller McElhinney can do his worst! He can hire all t'taxis he wants to scuttle around to my gaff ont' wirral handing out notices demanding that ah'm to report for medical exam! But I won't be there, see! Ha, ha! Ah'll be at th'acienda! Eatin' lolly ice!

(Jase hangs up phone)

Col: Jason? Jason?

(to be continued....)

NEW ARENA SENSATION: NOT A PENNY FOR LIVERPOOL, FROM THE ECHO

THE Echo's mysterious sponsorship deal with the new Arena came as a complete surprise to the city council's ruling Executive Board, apparently.

Councillors knew nothing about the five-year deal - until they read about it in the Echo.

And no-one is now being allowed to ask questions about how much this "historic" deal is worth to the people of Liverpool.

That's despite the fact that the entire Arena has been built with £145million worth of public money!

Councillors are being fobbed off with platitudes if they ask exactly how much the Liverpool Echo is paying for the privilege of having its name on the Arena.

The subject of how much it is worth has been carefully avoided in all the publicity. (For the obvious reasons, ed)

The Echo's contribution is 'in kind' says the law-breaker Hasitall, who has been the architect of much of the deal.

What this means is that the Arena will get loads of free advertising in the paper, whose circulation is rapidly declining and which has little audience or influence beyond the city's boundaries.

This will hardly be conducive to attracting full houses for every single gig. So we can presumably, in the future, look forward to free tickets being distributed to the city council, Echo employees, etc, to get more bums on seats.

There is also an informal understanding that the deal will mean there will be no untoward critiscism of the Arena appearing in the pages of the paper (a la Capital of Culture, then, ed)

Fireman Bradley hopes that getting the Echo even further on board will mean they become even more slavishly uncritical.

It's called buying influence...(with public money, too, ed)

But there will be no actual money in the bank for the city council, which has contributed £12million and will own and run the Arena.

The council of course is currently £29million in the red and talking about years of hefty council tax rises to pay for 2008.

The deal also depressingly underlines the small town ambitions of those who were in the know about the deal - Hasitall, fireman Bradley and Storey.

They decided to copy neighbouring Manchester's example of course, where their 'twice the size' Arena has a longstanding and very successful deal with the Manchester Evening News.

"Oh, I know, we can do a sponsorship deal with the Echo, like Manchester," said Storey, with an impressive outburst of originality and creativity.

However the M.E.N has, of course, parted with millions of pounds to get its name and brand all over the Manchester Arena.

But not a penny for Liverpool from the Echo, which of course, is owned by the hugely profitable Trinity Mirror.

In other words, we were sold short again...

DE-SELECTION MOVES FOR FRAENKEL

THE knives are out for Standards chief Beatrice Fraenkel because of her obvious unhappiness with the Lib Dem group.

Moves are underway to de-select Counc Fraenkel, who chairs the council's Standards Committee which is laughably meant to monitor the behaviour of councillors (which committee monitors the behaviour of senior officers then? ed)

The Cressington Ward councillor has made it clear to the city's great and good, of which she is a fairly permanent habitue, that she has become increasingly disenchanted with fireman Bradley's motley crew.

Her unhappiness is long standing and goes back as far as the civil war which erupted between Storey and Henshaw.

Apparently she has complained consistently ever since about the Lib Dem's lack of delivery and their persistent failure to improve the city council's services.

She has also made it clear to close confidantes that she is unhappy at the do-nothing drift and lack of direction which £250,000-a-year Cover Up has cleverly masterminded for the last year.

There has been some feverish speculation that Fraenkel, who is, (completely bizarrely, ed) the council's 'design guru', might even cross the floor to Labour.

To nip any such disastrous defection in the bud, senior Lib Dem's are now plotting to de-select her from her ward.

So she will be pushed, before she can jump.

Or before she can summon, for starters, fellow Lib Dem Councillors Clucas, Kemp and Hurst to give evidence to her committee and account for their astonishing actions, which we have detailed elsewhere.

NEWS FROM INSIDE THE LIB DEM GROUP...

Dear Tony,

Just a note for you to use however you see fit.
At the Lib Dem Group meeting last week, which elected Warren Bradley unopposed, our erstwhile firefighter made a historic promise.
He told us: "If Joe Anderson ever becomes leader of the city council, I shall leave the city."
Some of us thought this was tempting fate a little.
One or two others apparently thought this was a good enough reason to cross the chamber and help Anderson next year.
Whatever, it illustrated just how out of his depth and lacking in judgement Bradley is.
The silly boy.
Some of us despair of him ever growing up and being anything other than teacher's pet to Storey....
I am sure you will have fun with this....

Eagle eye

WILL THE SECRET TAPES TOPPLE BRADLEY, STOREY AND CLARK?

ASTONISHING but persistent rumours are sweeping the city about secret tapes which reveal the inside story of the campaign against Henshaw's evil cabal.
The series of tapes are rumoured to heavily incriminate current council leader Warren Bradley, (below left, on the phone interestingly enough, ed) former leader Mike Storey (centre) and the city's first citizen in 2008, Councillor Paul Clark (right)
The gang of three are all said to feature in the secret tape recordings (wow, shades of Watergate, ed) of phone conversations they made between April 2005 and September last year. Then they suddenly stop, for some reason.


The city's chattering classes have been agog in recent weeks with feverish and growing speculation about what the tapes contain - and when, and if, they will ever be made public.
But according to one informed source, the tapes allegedly provide the inside story on council leader Warren Bradley's role against Henshaw's evil cabal.
It's claimed the tapes show how Bradley was secretly involved in bringing evidence against Sir Diddy's rottweiller, Dr David McElhinney, who is still on the council's payroll.
At one point Bradley is alleged to have been taped confirming that all of the allegations on Tony Parrish's legendary liverpool evil cabal blog were true.
He then goes on to say McElhinney "should be in Walton Jail" for the crimes he has committed and the theft of millions of pounds from council taxpayers. (good for him then, ed)
But unfortunately, any publication or broadcast of the tapes would inevitably mean a full-scale investigation by the Standards Board which governs the conduct of councillors in England and Wales.
They would also raise the question of Bradley's actions as leader of the council, his relationships with senior council staff and also bring into question his personal behaviour.
The tapes would also beg the question of why he has done nothing to remove McElhinney or his accomplice, the smiling assassin, Halsall from their lucrative sinecures with the city.
Insiders believe that the tapes are potentially so explosive and so damaging they would inevitably spell the end of Bradley's short tenure as Lib Dem leader.
They would also raise questions about why Bradley sacrificed the city's best interests for a quite life at the Municipal Buildings and condoned the loss of millions of pounds in public money.
(This at a time when the council is now planning massive cuts, ed)
Observers say if the tape rumours are true, Bradley would have to resign.
A similar resignation fate could also befall Storey, whose political career would be dealt a fatal blow by a second appearance before the Standards Board.
Rumour has it that on the secret tapes he tells the full story of his battles with Henshaw and his attempts to bring McElhinney and Halsall to justice (what's so wrong with that, then? ed)
Publication would again underline Storey's helplessness and weakness as a politician and his failure to force new chief executive Colin 'Cover Up' Hilton to take any action.
Storey is also said to be remarkably indiscreet about some of his senior council colleagues on the Executive Board and Hilton, as well as giving the shocking low-down on the appointment of Culture Company chief executive Jason The Harbarrowboy (bloody hell, I can't wait for this! ed)
The role of Councillor Clark, a barrister, and a close colleague of Bradley and Storey is just as interesting.
According to one astounding rumour, Clark, who is due to be Lord Mayor in 2008, could face action from the Law Society as a result of what the tapes reveal.
At one point Clark is also rumoured to have admitted, in a damning indictment of the Lib Dem regime at the Town Hall: "We couldn't run a piss-up in a brewery."
The tapes are said to be 'absolutely lethal and political dynamite'.


We await further developments with great interest....
(Can we quickly sort out how to broadcast audio on this blog? ed)

ROGER DODGES CULTURE'S POISONED CHALICE!

WORD on the streets is that Roger 'voice of the people' Phillips has turned down an offer to become Liverpool's cultural Ambassador.
The BBC Radio Merseyside presenter was offered the poisoned chalice by the Harbarrowboy.
'Jase' had been given the go-ahead by Councillors Bradley and Storey after the hoo-hah following Robbing's departure.
But Phillips sensibly said 'no', astutely realising that he would be on a hiding to nothing if he succumbed to the Culture Company's blandishments. (He means public money, ed)
One BBC colleague said: "He was very flattered to be asked, but decided the role was just not right for him.
"After the departure of Robbing Archer, the Culture Company clearly need someone who can be the front man for Culture and who will be trusted by the public.
"Roger fitted the bill perfectly, is very loyal to Liverpool and has no ego whatsoever, which would have been a nice change from all that has gone before.
"But it would have compromised his own editorial independence and caused Auntie Beeb some real problems too."
Both Bradley and Storey were known to be very keen on the trusted Phillips, whose long-standing connections with the Everyman and Playhouse gave him extra cultural credibility.
Bradley, it is believed, had earlier blocked suggestions from the Harbarrowboy that the Cultural Ambassador should be none other than Phil Redmond, lugubrious millionaire ex-boss of Brookside and 'mastermind' behind the preposterous plan for Liverpool to become Capital of Christmas (and an alleged mate of Sir Diddy's, ed).

(A lengthy editorial aside now follows: if anyone else has any other alliterative ideas for Liverpool to become Capital of anything else, can you please forget them and go back to the drawing board? The last thing we want for the next five years is for Liverpool to become Capital of Karaoke, Capital of Car Jacking, Capital of Cream Crackers or Capital of Cobblers (well we might make an exception with that one). Such ideas may well excite the Echo, but they really belong on the cutting room floor of a third rate public relations agency. Now where were we? ed)

Bradley believed Redmond would only use the position to soften up the ground for his bid to become elected Mayor of Liverpoool, post 2008.
So he wasn't going to let that happen.
Now that Roger Phillips has wisely spurned the Culture Company, it's not clear whether the Harbarrowboy will continue to pursue his hunt for another Cultural Ambassador to 'front' the whole show.
Perhaps we will see a glorious repeat of the disastrous Bet Lynch appointment?
Nominations for Ambassador anyone?

IS FLO FLYING THE NEST?

STRONG rumour in the city has it that Flo Clucas, the Cabinet Member for Economic Development and Europe, is preparing to cross the floor to Labour.
The veteran Lib Dem had her nose pushed out earlier this year when she was well beaten into third place in the election of a new leader, after Storey took a powder.
There is no love lost between new leader Warren Bradley and Councillor Clucas, who was, of course, one of Henshaw's biggest fans in the days of the evil cabal.
Henshaw deliberately courted her as a rival power base to Storey and when Sir Diddy delivered his blackmail note to the city, she failed to rally round her Leader.
Then she proceeded to swan around Europe slagging Storey off, according to Labour Euro MP's.
Quite how she would get on in the Labour group if she crossed the floor, is anyone's guess.
Some would see it as a cynical last-ditch attempt by her to get her hands on power before the Lib Dems are booted out.
Others would see it as an egomaniac's last throw of the dice.
Others would see it as complete madness.
The Lib Dems have been busily rubbishing these rumours of defection, but a wise counsellor says caution should be exercised before anyone completely dismisses the idea.
Intriguing....