NOT 'ALL TOGETHER NOW' PART 2

MORE on Fireman Bradley's banning of The Farm from Capital of Culture because they are backing Lee Forde....

Of course our lovable pop mop tops do not know anything at all about the 'Bradley ban' - no one in the Culture Company has had the bottle to break it to them so far.

Mouth Almighty Jane Casey (oh god is she still around? eds) had a meeting yesterday about the Opening Ceremony with Peter Hooton from The Farm and never mentioned the ban once.

That's because she didn't know about it and has been too busy recently counting all the loot she has been paid by the Culture Co to keep her gob shut.

So The Farm are still waiting to be told about the Fireman Bradley ban - ordered because he does not like The Farm for publicly and proudly supporting scape-goated Lee Forde over Mathew St.

However, we can also reveal that so childish and petty is Fireman Bradley that he actually refused to play the new CoC vid at a recent meeting, because 'All Together Now' was still on the soundtrack.

How much more embarrassing to the city of Liverpool can this foolish fireman get? (Oh there's tons more of this stuff to come - just you wait, eds)

Bradley's childish megalomaniac antics have caused much disbelief and merriment in the Fun Palace, which now has the unenviable task of producing an expensive new soundtrack.

(It would be a good Freedom of Information question to put to Colin CoverUp so that we could try to unravel the precise cost of the Bradley ban, wouldn't it? eds. Then someone could send Bradley a bill for wasting council taxpayer's money.)

Despite trying to commission the new soundtrack, Culture staff have yet to work out how to tell Casey that The Farm are off the Opening Ceremony bill.

(They can read it here, can't they? eds)

Of course, the lovable popsters might be back on the bill straightaway, if something unfortunate were to suddenly happen to Fireman Bradley between now and Christmas (what ever can he mean? eds)

Perish that thought....

'ALL TOGETHER NOW' WITH THE FARM....UNLESS YOU ARE FIREMAN BRADLEY!

FIREMAN BRADLEY has ordered that Liverpool popsters, The Farm should be banned from Capital of Culture - because they have publicly supported scape-goated Lee Forde.
The band's nineties anthem "All Together Now" has been used as the soundtrack for yet another ruinously expensive new Culture Company video for 2008.

Unfortunately Donald Bullshitter had forgotten to obtain the band's authorisation to use their toe-tapping number - but such incompetence is only a minor detail in the madcap world of the Fun Palace,

However, when a proud and excited Bullshitter unveiled his latest magnum opus (ooooerrrmissus, eds) to a morose Fireman, he was taken aback by the reaction.

The Furious Fireman went spare when he heard the Farm's ditty on the vid and immediately insisted that they be removed from the soundtrack (who does this jumped-up fuckwit think he is - Adolph Hitler? eds).

And he went even further.

Bradley has also now demanded that The Farm are removed from the all-star line-up (shurely shome mistake? eds) for the 2008 Opening Ceremony.

Their crime?(Being socialists? eds)

No.

The Farm had unequivocally and very publicly defended Lee Forde's reputation both in the Echo, on Radio Murkeyside and on blogs and cheeky little webbie things like this, all over the place.

The jumped-up Fireman had taken Umbrage (after taking Czechoslovakia presumably, eds) at their stout, loyal and accurate defence of Lee. Bradley vowed that the popular beat combo should not be in anyway involved in Capital of Culture one iota, no sirreee.

(As if they were bothered, eds)

That's not the point! Who gave Bradley authority to start banning people just because they are not cowardly, lying bastards like him?

Bradley's megalomaniac tendencies appear to be increasing as his support and self-control rapidly diminishes.

We would now encourage The Farm to go public on this scandalous censorship and tell all to anyone who has the good sense to spot a good story when they see one (not the Echo then? eds).
HISTORICAL NOTE: Fans of the first Tony Parrish will recall that his personal profile on the Liverpool-evil-cabal blog contained five rousing and defiant pop songs as his favourites. Amongst them was...., you guessed it, The Farm's "All Together Now".

SPOOKY CO-INCIDENCE: "All Together Now" was taken from The Farm's album, which of course was named (eerie roll of drums, eds)....'Spartacus'. A photo of the immortal Kirk Douglas as the rebel slave Spartacus was of course, the image chosen by the first Tony Parrish to adorn his now legendary 'Liverpool evil cabal' blog. (Them were the days, eds)

STRANGE BUT TRUE: The Leader of Liverpool city council is (supposedly,) a keen Evertonian, whose 1995 FA Cup side used 'Altogether Now' for their theme tune as Paul Rideout popped one under the bar against ManU (we wuz there, remember Ged? eds).

EDITOR'S NOTE: Fireman Bradley is a juvenile toss-pot, who should grow up and who is unfit to lead the city of Liverpool. He deserves everything that is now coming to him.

All Together Now?

JASE: 'I shall return" or "I haven't done a deal yet, so anything could still happen, manana."

DISAPPOINTING news about Jase today - he won't be returning to the Fun Palace for another TWO WEEKS!

The Harbarrowboy had been due to turn up bright and early at Millennium House today to evict Donald Bullshitter from his office.

Donald had moved into the office as "acting" chief executive, while poor Jase was licking ice creams for his heart condition back at the hacienda.

Some Culture Company staff even turned up for work earlier than normal this morning in a bid to witness the eviction of the Bullshitter.

But all to no avail.

Poor Jase couldn't manage to summon up the strength to leave his hammock and return to Liverpool.

Instead he reported to Colin CoverUp that he didn't feel quite up to it - but thought he might be a bit better in a fortnight.

However, he apparently made it clear that when he came back, he would need to "ease himself" into the full swing of things in the run-up to 2008.

So don't expect Jase to be immediately running around like a blue-arsed fly sorting everything out.

(Some hope of that, eds.)

Some terrible cynics might think that Jase is delaying his return to allow the fall-out from Mathew Street to clear.

Then he can be greeted like a returning hero. (No chance of that, eds.)

But as we all know - thanks to the excellent official city council report - Jase has nothing to fear from Mathew Street.

He did nothing wrong at all. Nothing went wrong while he was in charge. It was all that fella Lee Forde's fault in the first place.

Any suggestion otherwise would be a disgraceful calumny on all the excellent work that Jase has put in, for so little reward and absolutely no thanks at all from you ungrateful bastards.

Does anyone seriously expect poor Jase, as the £150,000-a-year (plus Performance Related Pay, eds) chief executive of the Culture Company, to take any interest at all in something called the Mathew Street Festival?

Don't be silly, Jase has far better things to do - breakfasts and lunches to go to; drinks to partake of; wealthy nobs to hob with; cock-ups to mastermind.

Jase is too busy making 2008 the most fantastic spectacle Liverpool has ever seen.

(Too fucking right, it's going to be an amazing spectacle, eds)

So, sadly, we will have to wait until December 3rd to see Jase again.

And we sincerely hope he will be given a welcome fit for such a returning hero.

'RANDY' LAUNCHES NEW MEDIA CHARM OFFENSIVE TO TRY AND SAVE LIB DEMS

A MEDIA charm offensive has been launched by 'Randy' Newman to save the Fireman's skin and the Lib Dems.

Journalists from unholyTrinity Mirror, Radio Murkeyside and other assorted odds and sods from the Fourth Estate were invited to the Town Hall tonight to be wined and dined.

(Any members of the media who were not on the guest list get a gold star, eds)

It was hoped by Randy that a free piss-up and a few vol-au-vents would help persuade the susceptible hacks to lay off when it came to dishing the dirt on the Lib Dems and the incompetents at the Culture Company.

Indeed Randy who, extremely unusually, was not buying drinks for any young lady friends or, come to that, members of his own staff, orchestrated special 'guest' appearances by Fireman Bradley and Lord Mayor, Paul Clark.

Both Lib Dems took to their feet to lecture the journalists on what constitutes 'good news' and to allege that all this 'negative coverage we have been experiencing recently' was not in the city's best interests.

A lengthy editorial aside: What is definitely not in the city's best interests is for you bunch of Lib Dem fuck-wits to be paying a fortune in salaries to twats like Colin CoverUp, the Harbarrowboy, Donald Bullshitter, Randy, Clare McCogLoose et al, who don't know their arses from their elbows and couldn't run a piss-up in a brewery to save their lives.

Bradley 'entertained' the few assembled hacks who were forced to remain because they were unable to make a quick excuse about having a cold to catch.

The Fireman made a speech of such horrific ineptitude and cringe-worthiness that jaundiced journos wept openly in amazement that a Leader of a such a great city could be so unremittingly poor.

Both the Fireman and Clark tried to persuade the journos, apparently in all seriousness, that Liverpool's best interests were the same as the Lib Dems.

In other words and to parapahrase the Fireman and Clark: "Every time you write a story about how crap we are, it damages the city we all love so much and hold so dear to all our hearts, (blah, blah, blah, memo to chief sub-editor: "take in usual bollocks").

Or "Every time you run down this fine and noble, top-quality first class council of ours, you run down the city."

(Another lengthy editorial aside: Wrong on both counts, guys. This speech should have read: "Everytime you write a story about how crap we are, hastens the day when Liverpool wakes up from the Lib Dem nightmare, kicks these stupid fuckers out on their ear and gets some competent politicians and clean government in. OR .....Every time you expose this crap council, you make the case for a much better council with some strong leadership in charge. Which of course, is exactly what the put-upon people of Liverpool deserve."

Speaking of which: Labour's Joe Anderson turned up to spread more mischief amongst the assembled media.

So Lib Dem charm offensive to no avail.

HASTA LA VISTA!!!!!!!!!MESSAGE FROM INSIDE THE CULTURE COMPANY - POOR JASE HAS POCKETED ANOTHER £300,000 FROM COVER UP

The following is a message we have received from one of our many reliable sources inside the Culture Company. We have no reason to doubt its authencity.

You are right to speculate about the future and well-being of poor Jason. I am reliably informed that despite his truly astounding efforts to soldier on in the face of his mutiple ailments he has with a very heavy (and extremely dicky) heart agreed to remain in his austere Spanish sanatorium for the foreseeable future . Leading medical opinion is seemingly clear that any further exposure to Liverpool's notoriously toxic micro-climate may prove fatal to a man of Jason's fragile and sensitive constitution. According to my very well placed source the bitter disappointment of exile has been tempered by a thoroughly deserved farewell gift from the Council Tax payers of Liverpool believed to be in th region of £300,000. I understand that we can all thank our ever-generous Chief Executive Mr Colin-cover-up-Hilton for this thoughtful gesture of civic grattitude. It will be some small consolation for the ailing Jason as he stoically submits to his harrowing therapeutic regime.

IT'S OFFICIAL; THE HARBARROWBOY IS NEVER COMING BACK...

THE Culture Company's Harbarrowboy will definitely not be returning from Spain to his executive office in the Fun Palace, we can officially announce.


Why so certain?


Simple.


In the manner of all loyal lieutenants, the Harbarrowboy's No 2, Donald Bullshitter (aka Kris Donaldson) has now moved into his missing boss's office!


Donald has even emptied Jase's drawers (oooerr missus, eds) and replaced them with his own bits and bobs. (There's an in-joke lurking suspiciously here, but we can't quite put our fingers on it. To coin a phrase, eds)


Anyroadup, Donald Bullshitter moved into Jase's hole within days of the Harbarrowboy telling the Daily Post: "I shall return."


Clearly his former loyal deputy has other ideas.


Poor old Jase's Personal Assistant has also taken a powder at this despicable turn of events and gone on the sick.


Leaving the Bullshitter to immediately install his own PA in her place!


With friends like this, who needs enemies, Jase?


Meanwhile the Daily Post is planning an exclusive story saying that -

• as well as selling all his property interests on Merseyside (first revealed here, eds)


• gaining dual Spanish nationality (first revealed here, eds)


• his wife and family moving to Spain months ago (first revealed here, eds)


• Jase buying an ice cream factory (first revealed here, eds )


• and Jase suffering from a heart condition (first revealed here, eds) -
  

Jase has ALREADY BEEN PAID OFF with a cheque for £300,000 from the Fireman and CoverUp on behalf of the grateful citizens of Liverpool.

Any suggestion that the dynamic duo are also planning a plaque on Mathew Street in Jase's memory is without any semblance of substance.

But they are definitely planning a whip around for some form of commemorative sculpture next to Eleanor Rigby which will mark Jase's exile in the hacienda - "all the lonely people, where do they all belong....?"