IT'S OFFICIAL; THE HARBARROWBOY IS NEVER COMING BACK...

THE Culture Company's Harbarrowboy will definitely not be returning from Spain to his executive office in the Fun Palace, we can officially announce.


Why so certain?


Simple.


In the manner of all loyal lieutenants, the Harbarrowboy's No 2, Donald Bullshitter (aka Kris Donaldson) has now moved into his missing boss's office!


Donald has even emptied Jase's drawers (oooerr missus, eds) and replaced them with his own bits and bobs. (There's an in-joke lurking suspiciously here, but we can't quite put our fingers on it. To coin a phrase, eds)


Anyroadup, Donald Bullshitter moved into Jase's hole within days of the Harbarrowboy telling the Daily Post: "I shall return."


Clearly his former loyal deputy has other ideas.


Poor old Jase's Personal Assistant has also taken a powder at this despicable turn of events and gone on the sick.


Leaving the Bullshitter to immediately install his own PA in her place!


With friends like this, who needs enemies, Jase?


Meanwhile the Daily Post is planning an exclusive story saying that -

• as well as selling all his property interests on Merseyside (first revealed here, eds)


• gaining dual Spanish nationality (first revealed here, eds)


• his wife and family moving to Spain months ago (first revealed here, eds)


• Jase buying an ice cream factory (first revealed here, eds )


• and Jase suffering from a heart condition (first revealed here, eds) -
  

Jase has ALREADY BEEN PAID OFF with a cheque for £300,000 from the Fireman and CoverUp on behalf of the grateful citizens of Liverpool.

Any suggestion that the dynamic duo are also planning a plaque on Mathew Street in Jase's memory is without any semblance of substance.

But they are definitely planning a whip around for some form of commemorative sculpture next to Eleanor Rigby which will mark Jase's exile in the hacienda - "all the lonely people, where do they all belong....?"