Tuesday, January 01, 2008

DONALD BULLSHITTER RETURNS TODAY...

THERE will not be a warm welcome back today (Jan 3rd, 2008) for Donald Bullshitter who returns to the Fun Palace after two weeks holiday in the US of A.
'Acting' CEO Kris Donaldson, has been "out of the office'' since Monday 17 December.

Not bad in the run-up to one of the most important year's in the city's history, eh?

Bullshitter is paid £150,000 a year and has had an annual 10 per cent Performance Related Pay bonus since he was first appointed Marketing Director in 2004.

Which means he is now on more than £200,000 - and can still bugger off on a holiday just days before the Offical Launch of 2008.

He must be worth his weight in bull shit.

Sir Diddy Henshaw famously said of Bullshitter within weeks of his appointment that he 'would not pay him in washers'.

Amazingly Bullshitter has survived for the last four years despite his obvious incompetence - people are taken in by the American accent and think he must know what he is talking about.

Bullshitter will now be ready to tour every TV studio to get his face on our screens in 2008 - he is obsessed with self-publicity. And the simple hacks think his Stateside drawl shows Liverpool has gone all international.

In fact, it is Donaldson who is the mastermind behind the 'Look of the City' project, which the craven Echo publicised so dismally the other day.

This project involves covering up urban decay and council neglect with huge hoardings, so visitors think everything is hunky dory in Liverpool.

Part of this project also involves putting absolutely useless shite and drab hoardings in the windows of the boarded up houses on Edge Lane - well done Elisabeth Pascoe - as well as hanging even worse flags from the lamp posts.

Some of the crap flags have already been blown off, with the rest left tattered and torn by only mild winds.

Quite how much this lacklustre project has cost so far is anyone's guess and will be kept secret by the city council.

Interestingly, marketing staff at the Fun Palace who have been left holding the baby in Bullshitter's absence, have been told they can have all the holidays they want - but only in 2009.

Meanwhile a word of praise for one person - the NWDA's representative on earth in the Culture Company, one Bernice Law.

She has been working around the clock on the Official Launch to try and stop it becoming a total disaster.

By all accounts, she is not a bullshitter and has been trying her best against all the odds.

Clearly her boss NWDA Chairman Bryan Gray will have much to thank her for if she manages to pull it off.

There is another good thing to be said for her.

She has made it crystal clear to Fun Palace inmates that she has seen right through the Great White Hope - Our Saviour, Phil Redmond.

(Incidentally, perhaps we should re-christen him 'Our Lord' - since he is banking on a peerage in the next New Years Honour List, eds)

Bernice apparently finds Redmond an "insufferable, self-obsessed incompetent".

No news there of course.

But re-assuring that she has such good judgement.

'Our Lord' is meanwhile still wafting in and out of the Fun Palace, trying to hijack projects for his greater glory and to give the impression that he is in control.

Watch out for plenty more bollocks from him.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

If they have any sense they will get rid of him too. He made a mess of the Liverpool Sound event which is in deep trouble.

Bernice is doing her best but its to late in the day the opening is a mes its down to throwing money at it and a damage limitation the costs are spiralling but Wounded Badley wants it at all costs.
It will happen but it will be a very expensive mess.
The company has serious capacity issues and funding issues along with having less than capable people in top positions such as Mc Cog Loose and Finoa Gusset as Creative Producers.
No wonder staff are desparatley trying to jump ship.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous says they are jumping ship thats very true but not only that they cant recruit either. They only got two low grade applicants for the events marketing position.
Its know throughout the industry that Culture Co is a failure no one wants this on their CV.

Pollocks said...

I dooooon't beleeeeive it! I went through Edge lane today asafor myslelf the boarded windows along the road in unbelievably hideous shades of lime green on one side and sickly pink on the other. God they are truly awful! They draw attention to the dereliction. I am stunned that after seeing one of them, they continued with the rest. The poor sods who had to erect them must have been cringing. I thought the idea was to hide eyesores not create them. If they had to cover them, why not a painting of a window an flowerbox instead of this abstract ugly disaster. This alone makes the area a laughing stock. Wha do the local resdints think or are they still vomiting in the streets. They are so nauseating they could become a tourist attraction in their own right as an example of what a bunch of nobheads can find to waste council tax on.

Sorry to go on but I really am shocked by this sight. It would have been better if Frank Doran had stacked up the 2000 tyres dumped in the area instead.

Elector said...

to Pollocks

You will come to learn that, unbelievable though it is, there is absolutely no limit to the ways that this Council can shame and embarrass us.

Take heart from the fact that its not long to go until May now so that we can formally thank them.

S. Lifter said...

Liverpool Sound maybe going tits up but Homotoipia is going strong .....