Monday, December 17, 2007


THE Harbarrowboy has returned to his hammock in the hacienda for the festive season - after his brief 'keeping up appearances' return to the Fun Palace.

Jase's invisible man act has, remarkably, failed to stir even a second of interest from his former staff in the Culture Company.

He has not been seen since he popped in for half an hour to show his incredibly orange face.

Staff are all too busy trying to get the show on the road to be arsed about their former £150,000-a-year chief executive returning to Spain for another jolly.

No one cares what happens to him - if anything few appear to have even noticed his absence. (It's hardly as if the Culture Company has suddenly lurched from crisis to crisis since he disappeared post the Mathew Street debacle, is it? eds)

Typists in the Municipal Building who threatened to strike have now been re-assured by Cover Up that Jason Orange will too busy topping up his tan in the future to bother them.

(We've made this last bit up and included it anyway, cos it made us laugh out loud, eds)

So what is likely to happen now?
We have opened a special book on it:

1) Jase could return to a hero's welcome for the opening ceremony on January 11/12th.
(Unthinkable, eds)

2) Jase could turn russet brown.

(Highly likely, eds)

3) Jase could become a Continental cultural consultant and go around Europe conning Eastern Europe into taking him seriously.

(Possible, eds)

4) Jase could bring a barrow to Wimbledon next year, selling strawberries to go with his Spanish ice cream.

(Too obvious, eds)

5) Jase could stay on the sick for the entire duration of 2008 and pocket £150,000 a year, plus Performance Related Pay, for doing precisely fuck all.

(This would be no different from previous years, so we are ruling it out completely, eds)

6) Jase could sue the council for constructive dismissal and with his massive compensation award, buy a holiday home for the foolish Fireman in the Canaries as a gesture of gratitude.

(Even money on this, eds)

7) Jase could retire with a minimum two years salary (more than £300,000, plus Performace Related Pay, tax-free, eds) as the city council give him a bumper pay-off just to see the back of him while the foolish Fireman begs the local media to: "Move On/Forget About My Disastrous Blunders".

(Hot favourite, eds)

8) Jase sets up a consultancy with Sir Diddy, Robbing Archer, Chris Green and Kevin Johnston who have all taken huge pay-offs from the council, and laugh all the way to the bank at how they have ripped off the council tax payers of Liverpool for more than £1million.

(A dead cert, eds)


Tori Blare said...

The rea l deal will be he will be ignored or given shitty tasks to do, he will then get very very sad that the culture club are not his friends and he will leave. He will then go for constructive dismissal,but will fail, as unlike Forde, he has not got a leg to stand on.
Has he put a grievance in?
If he has what is his complaint?
That is a grievance I would love to see, just to find out what realy went on and who Jason blames!
The only problem with this though is, until he is sacked or resigns, I am still paying his wages!

Anonymous said...

They will pay the little tosser just to get shut of him, going on the past only if you screw up big time do you get a pay off.
Dont forget Old Jase was the commercial director for two years and also responsible for setting the budgets when he was made CEO, now thats a financial disaster, we are 22 million short having to go cap in hand to the government and sell off the silverware to make amends for his piss poor management of the company's finances.
Might as well give him 300 grand to fuck off and save us any more embarrassment, its just a pity they did not think to spend that 300 grand on Mathew Street Festival when Forde asked for it, we would not be in this mess now.
Piss poor management and who ever was involved in employing the short arsed tosser?
they should resign now.