Saturday, February 09, 2008

COWBOY FIREMAN BRADLEY VANISHES - THE LONE RANGER SAYS - 'HI HO SILVER AND AWAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!

MYSTERY surrounds the whereabouts of the cowboy Fireman Bradley today.

He vanished like the Lone Ranger soon after the city council was officially ranked the worst in Britain.

The mystery deepened after two contradictory explanations were given for his sudden disappearance (and recent failure to appear in cheesy city council photo opps).

The first explanation for his absence, which he gave to members of his Lib Dim Executive Board as he departed on Friday, is that he has gone off on a week-long 'walking holiday' (yes, we did say 'walking', eds) to the Lake District.

The second explanation, which we have from totally authoritative sources, is that he has in fact gone to Mexico (Viva Zapata! eds) for his brother-in-law's wedding.

The second explanation seems to us to be the most likely since, as we all know, there are already quite a few other cowboys 'down Mexico way'. But who is Tonto?

Perhaps the Lone Ranger is planning to be at The Last Gunfight at the OK Corrall?
Anyroadup, we are now launching An Official Public Appeal for anyone who spots the cowboy Fireman anywhere in the world in the coming week.

Please let us know where and when - preferably by supplying photographic evidence. (You can post us some links in comments, eds....)

The cowboy Fireman's disappearance is perfectly understandable however.

Pressure is mounting on all sides as the Standards Board begin their investigation into his plot to oust the Harbarrowboy.

The Lone Fireman has already been going around in recent weeks, stetson in hand and Tonto at his side, begging for character references from the great and good.

He will then submit any references he gets (and we shall name names, eds) to the investigators as part of his defence.

The Storeyteller tried the same trick three years ago, but it did him no good whatsoever.
Legendary solicitor 'Sexy Rexy' Makin has also become the first public figure to call for Bradley (and Hilton's) resignation.

This has been the view amongst the great and the good for some time - but none of them have had the bottle to go public.

Unlike Rex.

Interestingly, the arch hypocrite, arrogant and pompous Councillor Richard Kemp (not our favourite person then? eds) who has a lucrative little sinecure with the Local Government Association which enables him to hold forth on any subject in his typically puffed-up way, has also broken cover for the first time.

He has ludicrously demanded a public apology from the Audit Commission for ranking Liverpool as the worst council in the country.

This has only succeeded in attracting even more negative headlines.

Kemp does not yet appear to have learnt the first rule of Public Relations - when buried deep in hole, stop digging!

Readers will recall that Kemp - being the true liberal he clearly isn't - publicly argued for the original Tony Parrish's 'Liverpool evil cabal' blog to be banned and for the people of Liverpool to be denied the truth about Henshaw, McElhinney and Halsall.

Kemp is also the architect of the disastrous Boot Estate fiasco.

We would really, really, really, love it if he made a serious bid for Bradley's stetson.

For Kemp appears to be supremely arrogant enough to actually believe he should be Leader!

Meanwhile watch out for the spin machine going into overdrive to give the impression that Bradley is still present and correct in Liverpool.

Already a press release has been issued pledging that Bradley is personally going to plug the £60million hole in the council's budget.

This was a desperate attmnpt to convey an 'I'm in charge' impression after Bradley had run for cover from the Audit Commission and refused to be interviewed.

The press release was very helpful to those Labour supporters amongst us who would be truly horrified if the Government decided to bale the Lib Dims out of the mess and crisis they have created in Liverpool.

Why should the Labour Government save the necks of the Lib Dims in Liverpool?

But now that Bradley has promised to personally find the dosh and make the cuts, all the MPs can go back to representing their constituents.

Presumably.

No more crisis meetings with Hasitall and CoverUp Hilton ringing their hands and begging for help?

Presumably.

Bradley's going to sort it.

So that's alright then.

Meanwhile, we hope that Inspector Clueless will busily step into the breach to solve the mystery of the Fireman's continuing disappearance.

9 comments:

Tori Blare said...

Bradley "sorting things" is what has got Liverpool in this mess in the first place!
No mention of where Storey is?
The main scum in the Lib Dems.
It doesn't really matter who gets the leaders post now as they will be in opposition anyway so who really cares.
Word on the street is that Bradley is selling his posh Wavertree house to fund the Liverpool mess.
That will pay the interest rate at least.
Any Peroni in the sale?

Butty miner said...

There is such a rich vein of material available now, I hope we see another appearance from Prof Chucklebutty ere long?

Anonymous said...

Surely Cllr Kemp should resign his post? How can he be considered a "Senior Peer" in the IDeA, advising other councillors on how to do their job if he does not accept the judgement of body used to evaluate local government?

Bear in mind that this is a man who has served on an advisory group for the Audit Commission and has actually undertaken CPA's for the Audit Commission (he also agreed a few years back that the Audit Commission should "raise the bar" for CPA's). So he has no room to be demanding an apology.

Anonymous said...

Spot on Kemp should be apologising to residents of the Boot Estate

A turkey voting for an early Christmas said...

Can we have Richard Kemp back in charge of the City's housing please

most shocked said...

First I thought Good old Rex but when i read the DP article i realised he was recommending none other than Cllr Clucas to take over !!

He must now be completely senile if he thinks that barmy bent bint could do the job!

Does anyone know what happened to her dodgy deal for dancing at the Mount Pleasant Irish club as well by the way?

nil desperandum said...

Richard Kemp is the living embodiment of sleaze. He is the most nauseating specimen ever to crawl out from under the LibDim stone in three decades. Alas, even the LibDims agree. If he stood for the leadership, he'd never gain a majority from his colleagues. In fact, he'd be pushed to win a vote around his family breakfast table.

If, by some monstrous accident of fate, he ever did become Council leader, the Government would be wise to withdraw every penny of public funding from Liverpool within the hour.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps it can be put to the vote and we would get a hung council.

Yes lets string em up !!

Tony Parrish47 said...

that nil desperandum is a real star isn't s/he?