Wednesday, December 12, 2007


Is the opening ceremony an accident waiting to happen?
That is the question facing safety experts as the wheels start to fall off the Harbarrowboy's launch vehicle.

There is now a mood of barely concealed panic in the Fun Palace as the realisation dawns that the Culture Company is just not equipped to stage such a major outdoor event.

Having lost Lee Forde through incompetence, staff are now being stretched to the limit by the huge number of extra events being planned for 2008.

Added to that is the mind-boggling ineptitude of some of the plans - for example, the launch event is due to feature acrobats abseiling and throwing themselves off the roof of St George's Hall while Ringo waves to the breathless millions (shouldn't that be minions? eds)below.

The Echo has of course conspired in this utter lunacy by making a public appeal for acrobatic volunteers - local nutters who fancy a bit of sky-diving and 15 seconds of fame (the amount of time it takes to fall from the roof to the pavement below and then expire on the ground after waving weakly to the CBS camera crews, eds).

Do you think if some poor imbecile gets hurt in this insanity, that the Echo will splash the next day on "'We are to blame' - admits shame-faced Editor"?

Will they bollocks.

They will wash their hands of responsibility like any other person who holds power in Liverpool.

But they have been thoroughly irresponsible dupes of the crackpots in charge of the Culture Company who think any Tom, Dick or Harry can happily abseil down the front of St George's hall without any proper training.

This is not Health and Safety political correctness gone mad.

This is about properly established procedures to keep people safe.

And God knows. in the city that suffered Heysel and Hillsborough. you would have thought some lessons had been learned about public safety.

Wouldn't you?

But no.

Aside from these very obvious safety concerns, there are major issues around public liability insurance, policing, crowd control - how many people are going to turn up expecting to get a personal audience with Ringo? - and damage and disruption caused to St George's and other historic buildings which will also have rooftop displays.

The astronomical cost is escalating by the minute - no official figures of course - and people are, literally, running around the Fun Palace like headless chickens trying to make it all stack up.

The NWDA's representative on earth, Bernice Law has now taken to calling 7.30 am emergency meetings to try and get a grip on things and turn it around.

But the clock is ticking and the pressure is mounting.

Particularly when the Culture Company proudly boast that CBS will be turning up to see Ringo live. (Or should that be live? eds)

Hopefully he won't have to step over any prone bodies on his way to the interview van.

Expect to see whole parts of the opening ceremony suddenly junked for no apparent reason and without explanation.

Meanwhile the architects behind this accident waiting to happen - Donald Bullshitter and Clare McCogloose amongst others - will evade all responsibility.

Just like the fine example set by Fireman Bradley.

After all, they have only had the last four years to plan this event. It has hardly come as a sudden shock, has it?

Some poor bugger in the events team will probably get all the blame, instead. As is the Liverpool Way.

But we issue this warning now.

If one single person - either a participant or spectator - is seriously injured during this opening ceremony or any other CoC event, we will make sure that, this time, the finger is pointed at very firmly at those responsible.

And we will not let you bastards get away with it.

We just hope we are proved wrong.


Anonymous said...

I think Bernice Law is doing an admirable job given the circumstances.
Judith Feather is supposed to be replacing Lee Forde but doesn't seem to be fit for the job.
(No surprise there as she has been declared imcompetent!)
So basicly Ms Law is doing both Chris Green's and Lee Forde's job.
That she has got no hope in hell to succeed, is not her fault.
Nore can her team be blamed for the cockups yet to come.

Only the gutless imcompetent politicians and senior managers of the Culture Club deserve to be replaced and punished.


Tori Blare said...

The lib dems have not budgeted for the extra police needed remember? They went to the Government asking for extra money and were told to f off coz they had not included the cost of security at all when they put in the bid for capital of culture!
It is even worse now because the police have been told they cannot get the agreed pay rise they were expecting, they are not a happy bunch at the moment and I fear the consequences of this at the opening event.
Pickpockets and beasties will be everywhere!

Anonymous said...

Dont Worry you silly buggers they will cancel the event with the help of the police and a quick dodgy safety report,
Then probably hang Forde's old number two - Eddie Grant out to dry, Feather want shut of him anyway and she does not much like all this health and Saftey Stuff finds it far too overrated, along with bringing events in on budget.

£505,000 for Mathew Street Festival 2007 on a budget of £400,000 nice going JF probably as close as you can get.

Back to the good old days of Liverpool and it crap events program a la 1999.

Anonymous said...

You Tell em Tonies

Thank Allah that we have you in this City to hold the swine to account

Anonymous said...

Yes Cogloose doing the overexcited "brilliant!!!!" bollocks has attended staff meetings showing slides of matchstick people hanging off St Georges hall saying how fantastic it is going to be. So fantastic and so well planned that she is appealing to staff for volunteers to throw themselves off the roof or put forward any other idiots they know willing to do it. It is frightening that there will be idiots out there who trust that they know what they are doing. The graphics to show how this will all look were so hastily put together in contrast to some of the slicker stuff that it is clear that this has only just been dreamt up probably because of Stan Boardman and a few others abseiling down buildings for charity recently. I suggest that the Culture company board and the lib dems do all the stunts themselves. Cogloose, does Noel Edmonds and the demise of The Late Late Breakfast mean anything to you? Sleep well you guys, I sincerely hope it goes well for you and nobody gets hurt.

Anonymous said...

With the apparent status of the opening event have we learnt nothing from the past few months?

The opening event seems to be in a worse position the Mathew Street ever was?

I for one am very concerned.

Anonymous said...

I would not want to be Mr Forde's replacement at present, the potential for disaster is vast; we have the eyes of the world (well the millions who will be watching in America at least) upon us analysing our every move. I'll bet there aren't many involved in this organisation who are sleeping soundly each night?

With this new revelation what does the council Health & Safety official think? Is it acceptable, will an independent report be commissioned any day soon to condemn the event? By the sounds of it someone should; by the way has this budget been cut?

Who ever you are you better succeed or your career will be in tatters re; Mathew Street Fiasco stitch-up; the junior officer carries ALL responsibility NEVER forget that.

Mr Forde’s replacement must be extremely concerned at present; on the plus side they’ve possibly got a new candidate to throw themselves off St George’s Hall!

Tori Blare said...

competition ... Name your favourite council workers and councillors to throw themselves off St Georges Hall without the aid of a safety net?
That is, if the real hard working council workers who have not caused any problems with culture etc, don't throw themselves en masse off the building in shame of being attached to the culture club through no fault of their own.